Tuesday, 31 January 2012

New David Guetta and Nicki Minaj song

I love this!! I’ve become a HUGE Nicki Minaj fan over the last few months and Super Bass is now me favourite number to do on the Saturday show in Dignity!! I’m LOVIN this new tune from David Guetta and Nicki Minaj called Turn Me On! WHAT A VIDEO!!!

Steve Jones and Nicole Scherzinger leave X-Factor USA

So the news a lot of people were expectin has finally been confirmed by FOX. Steve Jones tweeted today "I won't be hosting next season's X-Factor which is a shame but I can't complain as I've had a great time. Good luck to everyone on the show." They’ve also confirmed that Nicole Scherzinger won’t be back for a second season. I bet Cheryl Cole is delighted. Expect everyone that’s ever recorded a song to be linked to the judges role although it could very easily be Kelly Rowland. Dermot O’Leary  could be on his way to take over from Steve Jones. Davina McCall could be the one to take over from Dermot in the UK! Oh the drama of it all!


Steve Jones Nicole Sherzinger X-Factor

The Ringmaster’s Drag Race Cycle 3

We love a bit of Paul Ryder here in Dignity Waterford and personally I’ve had many a scandalous adventure with him that really I can’t talk about (although be sure some of it will be in me next book!!)

The Ringmasters Drag Race has been the Dragon’s drag search for the last 2 years and has become a great success with Brandi Starr winnin Cycle 1 and Pixie Woo winnin Cycle 2 and now it’s time for Cycle 3! Paul is on the lookout for new stars to take place in the show so get in touch with him if you’re interested.

Here’s the fantastic promo video!

Matthew Vaughn to direct X-men First Class sequel

VERY excited about this! I’m a huge fan of the X-men and sometimes I even think I am one and LOVED X-men first class so clearly I’m delighted to see that Matthew Vaughn is gonna be back for the next one. All the cast are set to return and Bryan Singer is goin’ to direct. With The Wolverine, Deadpool and now this sequel in production, we could get 3 X-Men movies in the next 2 years!! Taylor Kitsch who played Gambit in X-men Origins Wolverine has said he’s likely to return sometime in the future too along with Danny Huston who played William Striker in Origins Wolverine! It’s all very Xcitin! See what I did there??


X-men first class sequel

Monday, 30 January 2012

So is it the end of Bebo?

There seems to be all sorts of stuff flyin around about this at the moment, the horror that Bebo might actually be gone even though no one uses it any more apparently! To be honest, I think there might be a bit of a technical problem or hackin attempt coz it’s unlikely they’d just shut it without warning people so they could get their data or random pictures of them 5 years ago half naked and locked at an 18th in Coolock. I just read as well that AOL bought Bebo for $850m and sold it for $10m. Scarlet for them! I’m guessin Bebo is gonna be back online in a few hours but we’ll wait and see!

JoannaRyde.com updated

I was busy last week updatin JoannaRyde.com  and its now online or live or whatever ya wanna call it. There’s loads going on now includin the columns section now havin my Life Of A Ryde columns from the Munster Express! Check it out at www.JoannaRyde.com

God bless!

Muppets hit out at Fox News

I LOVE THE MUPPETS as anyone who reads the blog will tell ya! VERY VERY excited to the launch of the movie next week although I’ve been tryin to offer sexual favours to the staff in Storm Cinema here in Waterford to show it to me earlier than its release date which they’re havin NONE of!!

Anyway, a while ago someone on FOX news basically called the Muppets communists and now durin an interview in London, they responded to it! GAS! Actually oil, but still!

Who remembers Fun House?

THIS WAS AMAZIN! I love shows like this. The idea was that 2 teams would face off against each other and one would then have to do the course at the end to win prizes. Pat Sharpe was joined by twins Melanie and Martina who’d stand there lookin pretty and blonde. Many a day me ma would kill me for slidin down the stairs playin this. Ripped the arse out of about 3 pairs of tracksuit bottoms.

Cabin crew do a Bollywood routine on a flight!

This is a bit mad! It’s from a Finnair flight between Helsinki and Delhi and it was done to celebrate India day. Now I won’t lie, I’d be scared to fly after this madness!! Thank god they weren’t flyin to Dublin or they’d have been doin Riverdance!

Kamaliya’s new single

I know most of yiz are askin who Kamaliya is but she’s bein called the Russian Lady Gaga. By who, I don’t know coz she’s nothin like her. Anyway, just found out she’s supportin Steps in April so I looked into her and turns out that she has a new single comin out. I never heard the first one. I’m not sure about it. I do like her ponytail though!

Saturday, 28 January 2012

Denise Welch wins Celebrity Big Brother

Those of you who’ve been followin Celebrity Big Brother will know this by now and if not, I’m informin ya now! Denise Welch has beaten Frankie Cocozza to win Celebrity Big Brother. Welsh rugby player Gareth Thomas was 3rd. Delighted Denise won. I like her. Here she is naked with Frankie!


Here she is with her baps out!
Denise Welch Frankie Cocozza naked Big Brother

Old TV shows–Challenge Anneka

This was one of me favourite TV shows EVER! It involved Anneka Rice runnin around tryin to get people to help her complete community and charity projects like buildin playgrounds or youth centres. She has a big blue truck and a beach buggy and to this day I want her blue jumpsuit! Defo think TV3 or RTE should do Challenge JoJo!

The return of the Spice Girls?

Well the rumours are flyin around and now Mel B has said on Australian TV that the Spice Girls plan to reunite for a special performance to be broadcast for the Queens Jubilee. There’s been rumours too that they’ll be performin at the openin ceremony of the Olympics although it’s all very hush hush at the moment. I did manage to catch the Spice Girls in O2 in London last time they reformed and wasn’t that impressed so not really holdin much hope for anything better this time. We’ll wait and see!

Spice Girls reunion

Friday, 27 January 2012

Amazing marketing from Alton Towers

Anyone who reads the blog regularly will know how much of an Alton Towers fan I am so I’m lovin the new Twitter account for their new ride Nemesis Sub-Terra which opens in March. @phalanxcontrol is the fantasy team who are investigatin the famous Nemesis monster, the story behind one of their rollercoasters and an amazin’ one it is too.

The website for the new ride is at http://www.altontowers.com/nemesis-sub-terra/ Go check it out!

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

How much is YOUR penis worth?

This is gas! A porn star in England has insured his penis! LOL!

From Digital Spy

British porn star has insured his penis for $1 million (£640,000), it has been revealed.

Keiran Lee from Derby, took out the insurance policy with Lloyd's of London earlier this week, reports The Sun.

Lee's porn studio Brazzers took out the policy in case the star suffered an injury, he explained, adding that the company would not pay him if he were to lose his penis.

"I had to have a medical exam to make sure I was all fit and healthy," Lee said.

"I don't plan on losing my penis any time soon. The worst part is that if anything does ever happen, the money gets paid out to Frank Lipari, my boss."

Lee has filmed around 800 scenes in his porn career, with about 600 of which for the Brazzers brand.

Glee’s Michael Jackson episode

Glee’s next episode features the one and only Michael Jackson and some of his songs! Clearly I’m very excited!

River Sanctuary Holistic Center

Our Leanne has a new venture that launches on Friday 3rd of February, the River Sanctuary Holistic Center which is located in Gracedieu in Waterford! They offer all kinds of services includin Reflexology, Reiki, Indian Head Massage, Holistic Massages, Hopi Ear Candling, Psychic Readings, Angel and Fairy Card Readings, Rune Readings, Medium, Yoga, Pilates, Mediation, Cooking classes, Motivational Speakers, Retreats, Relaxation Room and much much more so get over to Facebook and like their page and get along to the launch on Friday, February 3rd!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/River-Sanctuary-Holistic-Centre/224707807616477?ref=ts&sk=info

Louise Madouveh

If you haven’t seen this yet, I advise ya to have a look! Louise Madouveh is a spatula from Dublin who likes to go wild on nights out in the George and say huns a lot! I piss myself laughin everytime she puts anything on Facebook! Hopin’ she enters Dragiators season 4! lol! Check out Louise on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?id=100002267041353


Drag Queen spatula 

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Waterford Whispers News

Why have I never seen this before! Waterford Whispers News is a piss take of local, national and international events and I’ve been laughin about it since I discovered it today and their story about the entire cast of Fair City bein replaced by cardboard cut outs of Kathryn Thomas! Check it out!

Waterford Whispers News Kathryn Thomas

Oscar nominations

I’m actually kinda confused as to why there’s only 9 songs instead of 10 in the Best Picture category and only 2 songs in the Best Original Song category! Hope the Muppets grab that one! Also, first time no Disney or Pixar movie has been nominated for Best Animated Feature!

Best Picture
The Artist
The Descendants
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
The Help
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
Moneyball
The Tree of Life
War Horse

Best Actor
Demián Bichir - A Better Life
George Clooney - The Descendants
Jean Dujardin - The Artist
Gary Oldman - Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Brad Pitt - Moneyball

Best Actress
Glenn Close - Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis - The Help
Rooney Mara - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep - The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams - My Week with Marilyn

Supporting Actor
Kenneth Branagh - My Week with Marilyn
Jonah Hill - Moneyball
Nick Nolte - Warrior
Christopher Plummer - Beginners
Max von Sydow - Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Supporting Actress
Bérénice Bejo - The Artist
Jessica Chastain - The Help
Melissa McCarthy - Bridesmaids
Janet McTeer - Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer - The Help

Adapted Screenplay
The Descendants
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Original Screenplay
The Artist
Bridesmaids
Margin Call
Midnight in Paris
A Separation

Directing
The Artist - Michel Hazanavicius
The Descendants - Alexander Payne
Hugo - Martin Scorsese
Midnight in Paris - Woody Allen
The Tree of Life - Terrence Malick

Animated Feature Film
A Cat in Paris
Chico & Rita
Kung Fu Panda 2
Puss in Boots
Rango

Art Direction
The Artist
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
War Horse

Cinematography
The Artist
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
The Tree of Life
War Horse

Costume Design
Anonymous
The Artist
Hugo
Jane Eyre
W.E.

Documentary (Feature)
Hell and Back Again
If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front
Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory
Pina
Undefeated

Documentary (Short Subject)
The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movement
God Is the Bigger Elvis
Incident in New Baghdad
Saving Face
The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom

Film Editing
The Artist
The Descendants
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
Moneyball

Foreign Language Film
Bullhead (Belgium)
Footnote (
Israel)
In Darkness (
Poland)
Monsieur Lazhar (
Canada)
A Separation (
Iran)

Make-Up
Albert Nobbs
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
The Iron Lady

Music (Original Score)
The Adventures of Tintin - John Williams
The Artist - Ludovic Bource
Hugo - Howard Shore
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy - Alberto Iglesias
War Horse - John Williams

Music (Original Song)
Man or Muppet (The Muppets)
Real in Rio (Rio)

Short Film (Animated)
Dimanche/Sunday
The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr Morris Lessmore
La Luna
A Morning Stroll
Wild Life

Short Film (Live Action)
Pentecost
Raju
The Shore
Time Freak
Tuba Atlantic

Sound Editing
Drive
The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
War Horse

Sound Mixing
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
Moneyball
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
War Horse

Visual Effects
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Hugo
Real Steel
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Transformers: Dark of the Moon

SCARLET FOR HER!

This is gas. This chap has LOADS of videos on YouTube and all of them he’s scarlet for someone in! If you’re not from Dublin, that means that he’s embarrassed for someone! Lol. Check out some of his stuff on YouTube and if you need a translator, call me!

Who remembers Captain Jack?

Those were the days! 1996, teenage discos, Pulse FM! This type of thing was all the rage. Back when the Spice Girls were stars and I was still in school wreckin the teachers heads! Turn it on and turn it up!

Monday, 23 January 2012

The return of Eurotrash!

So there I was last week sittin in the livin room watchin something on TV3, although don’t ask me what coz I wasn’t really payin attention and then all of a sudden durin the ad breaks an ad for Eurotrash came on!! Seems that TV3 decided to show it on Friday night which I’m sure had every 14 year old boy in Ireland jumpin up and down with excitement as they ran up to their bedrooms with a mansize box of Kleenex!

Anyone of a certain age will remember Eurotrash on Channel 4 for bein a weird way to look at Europeans and what they get up to. That and you were always guaranteed a bit of willy and tit! Great telly!

Mrs Brown’s Boys

I get real excited every Saturday night coz I’m mad into Mrs Brown’s Boys and it’s always a good bit of laugh before work (yes I work THAT late on a Saturday) Season 2 is even better than season 1 I think and I get sore every week from laughin. Love the way they keep the outtakes in the show like in this clip. Gas!

The awkward moment when you fall on The Voice Of Ireland

If anyone watched The Voice Of Ireland on Sunday which I know yiz did coz it’s a great programme and I’m HOOKED already, ya might have seen this unfortunate incident when Emma Jane fell just before her audition. RTE could have taken it out but they slyly left it in coz it’s one of those moments where ya laugh when ya really shouldn’t!

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Ms Gay Ireland website update!

In case yiz didn’t know, I’m involved in organisin Ms Gay Ireland which will be held this year in The George, Dublin in September! The website has just been updated so go check it out! www.MsGayIreland.com

God Bless!

Glee Proposal!

In case anyone hasn’t seen this weeks Glee, stop readin now! This is the proposal that Mr Shue organised for Emma featurin the Rihanna and Calvin Harris song! Who knew synchronised swimmin could be so cool!!

Friday, 20 January 2012

Who remembers Tiny Toon Adventures?

WHAT A SHOW! I used to LOVE this! I watched it every day! This and Animaniacs which was also an absolute classic. I wonder do they have some form of box set? I’d love that. Pinky and the Brain went on to have their own show after. I’m all excited just thinkin about it!

A flying house! Just like UP!

If anyone has seen the Disney Pixar movie Up and wondered how amazin it would be to have a flyin house, well you wouldn’t be the only one coz someone in California has actually done it! Wouldn’t work for me, I live in an apartment!

Who remembers Penny Crayon?

This is mad! Sue Pollard is the voice of Penny. What a weird programme. Who remembers it?

Thursday, 19 January 2012

JLS new song Proud

This is JLS new song for Sport Relief called Proud. It’s a lovely little ballad and I can see me puttin this on me MP3 player for chillin out. Nice little tune. What does everyone think?

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Dappy featuring Brian May – Rockstar

It’s the new video from N-Dubz rapper Dappy and another TUNE!!! This one features the one and only Brian May from Queen. The last song Dappy released went to number 1 and this one is just as good. The video was shot in Los Angeles with Dappy livin the life of a rockstar which is ironic coz that’s what the song is called. Lovin’ this!

The Glee League

It all started back in 2010 when I set up a competition in Cork to put together a glee club! From that, Freaks N’ Gleeks were born and so I moved on to Waterford and the Wanna Bees spawned. Since then both glee clubs have done loads and have even been nominated for awards! You can catch both of them on the new Glee League website at www.thegleeleague.com!


Freaks N Gleeks Glee Club


Wanna Bees Glee Club

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Kelly Rowland quits the X-Factor?

Well I’m not gonna say I’m surprised. She was my least favourite judge and I went from lovin her work in Destiny’s Child to her annoyin me on TV so maybe she should give Michelle and Beyonce a ring and go back to what they did best.

A “source” was speakin to the Daily Mirror about it. Who are these sources and why are they never named.

“She enjoyed her time on the programme but was taken aback by the circus surrounding it. From his side, Simon felt that Kelly had got off to a really strong start but slightly faded towards the latter half of the series. He is already on the look-out for fresh talent.”

See ya Kelly!

kelly rowland x-factor

Monday, 16 January 2012

Golden Globe winners

In case anyone is interested, here’s the winners of this year’s Golden Globes. None of the Irish nominees (Michael Fassbender, Brendan Gleeson and Sinead O’Connor) won awards which is a pity but there’s still the Oscars in a few weeks! RAGIN The Muppets didn’t even get one nomination! That’s out here in Ireland on the 10th of February and I have a damp patch in me knickers already I’m that excited!

Best Motion Picture - Drama
The Descendants

Best Motion Picture - Comedy or Musical
The Artist

Best Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy Musical
Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Best Actor in a Supporting Role - Motion Picture
Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Actress in a Supporting Role - Motion Picture
Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best TV Series Drama
Homeland

Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie
Idris Elba, Luther

Best Actor in a TV Series - Drama
Kelsey Grammer, Boss

Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce

Best Director - Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical/Comedy
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

Best Screenplay - Motion Picture
Midnight in Paris

Best Animated Feature Film
The Adventures of Tin-Tin

Best Original Song - Motion Picture
"Masterpiece" - W.E.
Music & Lyrics by: Madonna, Julie Frost, Jimmy Harry

Best Original Score - Motion Picture
The Artist

Best Foreign Language Film
A Separation

Best TV Series - Comedy
Modern Family

Best Actor in a TV Comedy Series
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

Best Actress in a TV Series Comedy or Musical
Laura Dern, Enlightened

Best Actress in a TV Drama Series
Claire Danes, Homeland

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story

Best TV Movie or Miniseries
Downton Abbey

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Is Kian Egan the father of Niall Horan from One Direction?

I’m convinced it must be true! Is it only me or does One Direction’s Niall Horan look like Kian Egan’s son??

Kian Egan Westlife

Niall Horan One Direction

Brian Kennedy walks off the Saturday Night Show

After a very public row with celebrity reporter Paul Martin on Come Dine With Me Ireland, the pair were reunited on the Saturday Night Show. This was never gonna end well. Brian doesn’t look impressed at all and even gives him the finger around the 40 second mark.

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Barrack Obama sings Born This Way

LOVE THIS!!! It’s his royal highness King Barrack singin’ Born this way by Lady Gaga! Some chap spliced loads of videos together and came up with this. I want to see him do Bohemian Rhapsody next. That or Forgot About Dre!

One Direction–One Thing (new video!)

Yay! A new video from the boyband with more hair than the average girlband. I’m goin to be honest and say I would!!! Defo Zayn Malik anyway and there’s something cute about Niall Horan. Sorry, that has nothing to do with their music and their new song One Thing!! Check it out below and tell me what you think!

Little Mix in name trouble again!

This is gas. I got it off Telly Mix which I predict the girls are gonna change their name to before very long!

X-Factor winners Little Mix could well be facing a second battle over their name, just months after raving to stop calling themselves Rhythmix.

The girls, who formed a group at bootcamp, had chosen the same name as a music charity and were forced to change their name to avoid a legal battle over trademarks.

Choosing to call themselves Little Mix, everything seemed fine, but now a band called Little Minx is worried the similarities between the two names could cause confusion.

Little Minx, led by singer Nick Smith, was created four months before last year’s X Factor started.

“On the night it was announced that Little Mix had chosen their name, someone gave me a call to say ‘someone’s nicked your name’,” he said. “So we registered ourselves as a company, Little Minx UK, just to leave no doubt.”

However rather than threaten legal action, Nick revealed the confusion was helping his group get off the ground.

“I must confess we’ve had a few more hits on You Tube since Little Mix were formed and it’s done us no harm at all,” he explained.

And he cheekily added: “I predict Little Minx will be around far longer than Little Mix will be.”

Friday, 13 January 2012

Brit Award nominations

I won’t lie, I found the Brit Awards interestin a long time ago but that was an age of the Spice Girls and Steps and even S Club 7. Now it’s after all gettin very serious. They even left Dappy out which is very upsetttin. Here’s the full list of nominations. Expect Adele to bring home a few, the whingey cow.

BRITISH MALE SOLO ARTIST
Ed Sheeran
James Blake
James Morrison
Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds
Professor Green

BRITISH FEMALE SOLO ARTIST
Adele
Florence & The Machine Island
Jessie J
Kate Bush
Laura Marling

BRITISH BREAKTHROUGH ACT
Anna Calvi
Ed Sheeran
Emeli Sandé
Jessie J
The Vaccines

BRITISH GROUP
Arctic Monkeys
Chase & Status
Coldplay
Elbow
Kasabian

BRITISH SINGLE
Adele: Someone Like You
Ed Sheeran: The A Team
Example: Changed The Way You Kissed Me
Jessie J Ft B.o.B.: Price Tag
JLS Ft Dev: She Makes Me Wanna
Military Wives / Gareth Malone: Wherever You Are
Olly Murs Ft Rizzle Kicks: Heart Skips A Beat
One Direction: What Makes You Beautiful
Pixie Lott: All About Tonight
The Wanted: Glad You Came

BRITISH PRODUCER
Paul Epworth
Flood
Ethan Johns

MASTERCARD BRITISH ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Adele: 21
Coldplay: Mylo Xyloto
Ed Sheeran: +
Florence & The Machine: Ceremonials
PJ Harvey: Let England Shake

INTERNATIONAL MALE SOLO ARTIST
Aloe Blacc
Bon Iver
Bruno Mars
David Guetta
Ryan Adams

INTERNATIONAL FEMALE SOLO ARTIST
Beyoncé
Björk One
Feist
Lady Gaga  
Rihanna

INTERNATIONAL GROUP
Fleet Foxes
Foo Fighters
Jay-Z / Kanye West
Lady Antebellum
Maroon 5

INTERNATIONAL BREAKTHROUGH ACT
Aloe Blacc
Bon Iver
Foster The People
Lana Del Rey
Nicki Minaj 

OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTION TO MUSIC AWARD
Blur

CRITICS' CHOICE
1st - Emeli Sandé
2nd - Maverick Sabre
3rd - Michael Kiwanuka

Another F1 driver could go to jail!

After me story about Jos Verstappen last week, here’s another interestin one from Crash.net about Adrian Sutil. Basically a bit of fracas broke out and someone got glassed! Sure thats every weekend in football!

Adrian Sutil's chances of landing a seat on this year's F1 grid may already be receding in the face of opposition from the likes of Rubens Barrichello and Bruno Senna, but could be ended entirely by the outcome of a court appearance that has been hanging over him since last season's Chinese GP weekend.

Eight months on from an altercation in a Shanghai nightclub VIP room that left Genii Capital's Eric Lux nursing a neck wound, the German driver has been summoned to answer charges of grievous bodily harm. According to reports from his homeland, Sutil will stand trial at the end of the month and, if found guilty, could face anything up to a year behind bars.

The incident occurred in the wake of the Chinese Grand Prix when Sutil and some friends, including McLaren's Lewis Hamilton, were enjoying a night out in Shanghai to celebrate the Briton's race win, but reports on exactly what happened remain unclear.

Lux claims that he was injured by a champagne flute thrown by Sutil following a row over the Lotus Renault GP investor's girlfriend, resulting in 24 stitches in a wound that came close to severing a major artery in his neck. While Lux's lawyers insist that the incident could have resulted in their client's death, other reports suggest that the injury was the result of an accident in which Sutil went to throw a drink over Lux only for the glass to break while doing so. Sutil has already issued a public apology for the incident, and maintains that he never meant to inflict any injury. Hamilton could be called as a witness in the court case.

Should he be jailed, Sutil - who is thought to still be in the running for the remaining seat at Williams for 2012 - would join an unfortunate list of F1 stars facing imprisonment in the past few weeks, following JJ Lehto's recent incarceration and assault charges being filed against Jos Verstappen. Bertrand Gachot, meanwhile, remains that last F1 driver to be jailed during his career in the top flight, having been found guilty of assault on a London taxi driver. The Belgian's absence from the Jordan line-up, of course, gave a certain Michael Schumacher his F1 break....

Strange stuff people mail me

I get strange email a lot. I think this might be just Charmin messin. She does that!

My Dearest,
my name is miss jessy,l read your profile today at website,
and i choosed you as the only one whom i can give my heart as far as love is concern ensuring i bring joy and happiness into your door
step.lf you are interested in me and want to know more about me and to
view my pictures,you can contact me,
My dear i want you to understand that there is
no age,race,colour and religion bar when it comes to true love.only
what is important is pure and devoted relationship.Hoping to hear from
you as soon as possible.Thank you
Miss jessy.

Follow me!

Seein as its Friday which means it’s follow Friday on the Twitter, I’ve decided ya should probably follow me! Not around the streets or when I’m workin or that coz I wouldn’t like to be followed like that but on the Twitter, yes that’s fine!

My username is @JoannaRyde

And say hello!

Monday, 9 January 2012

30 storey Chinese hotel built in 15 days

Jesus aren’t the Chinese great all the same! If this thing was built in Ireland it’d be 15 years and that’d be just plannin. I have a feelin it’s goin to be on some form of Discovery Channel documentary called “Super Fast Structures” or something. I wonder just how safe it is? Like they didn’t even do a snag list.

TV chef Anthony Worrall Thompson steals from Tesco

First it was Winona Ryder and her whatever it was she stole then it was Lindsay Lohan and now its TV chef Anthony Worrall Thompson who stole cheese and wine from a Tesco. Why would anyone steal cheese and wine from Tesco? And he must be on a decent wage. Surely if he needed a bit of attention he could have just gone on Celebrity Big Brother? He released this statement to apologise, includin a bit where he apologises to Tesco! LOL!

"I am so sorry for all my recent stupid and irresponsible actions. I am of course devastated for my family and friends, whom I've let down and will seek the treatment that is clearly needed. I am not the first, and I certainly won't be the last person to do something without rhyme or reason - what went through my head, only time will tell. Of course, I must also apologise sincerely to Tesco, with whom I've had a long and genuine working relationship, and to all the staff at the Henley branch, many of whom I've got to know over the years. Once again, I am so sorry and hopefully in the future I can make amends."

Jay Z’s song for Blue Ivy

In case ya didn’t know, Beyonce, she of Destiny Child fame, has just had a baby called Blue Ivy which, let’s not lie, is a stupid name. Who names their child after a colour and a plant. It’s like me havin a child and callin it Yellow Pansy. Anyway, new daddy Jay Z has released a song on his blog called Glory all about Blue Ivy. The lyrics are very meaningful. Actually, I really don’t know if they are coz I got bored really easily. So here it is! Glory for Blue Ivy (STUPID NAME)

Emirates starts flying from Dublin to Dubai

That’s a hint that I want someone to buy me a holiday there as of immediately! I was actually very near Dubai once. I stayed for just over 24 hours in Abu Dhabi on me way back from Sydney coz some volcano in Iceland decided to erupt and leave me stranded. Anyway, in case ya haven’t seen the ads EVERYWHERE, Emirates are now flyin direct from Dublin to Dubai where ya can see amazin sites like this very big buildin below! Its the Burj Dubai and its the worlds tallest buildin. Personally I think the Dubains are tryin to compensate for something (that means I think they have small willys)

Burj Dubai

Former Formula 1 driver arrested for attempted murder

Those of yiz who like your Formula 1 might have heard of Jos Verstappen. He was around in the 90s and popped up every now and again in different teams and never really did much. See I bet ya didn’t think I’d know anything about Formula 1!! I used to watch it with me da. Anyway, Jos has gotten himself into a spot of bother and could be charged with attempted murder for drivin into his ex girlfriend in his car! Thank god it wasn’t a Formula 1 car. The last thing ya’d want is a bang of a McLaren.

From Crash.net

Just weeks after JJ Lehto was jailed for his part in a powerboat tragedy that resulted in the death of a friend, the Benetton 'class of '94' has taken another hit amid claims that Jos Verstappen has been charged with attempted murder following an altercation with an ex-girlfriend.

Lehto and Verstappen both spent time in the second B194 as team-mate to Michael Schumacher as the German headed towards his first F1 world title, but have drifted away from the F1 scene recently. Lehto was sentenced to 28 months in prison after being found guilty of manslaughter following the boating accident last summer [see full story here], while Verstappen, like the Finn heralded as a potential F1 champion following a rapid rise through the ranks, was arrested late last weekend charged with assault.

The Dutchman has a history of such accusations, having been found guilty of assault on his ex-wife in 2008 and of GBH following a fight with rival kart circuit customers in 2000. He did not serve a jail term in either case, but may do following the latest incident, in which De Standaard reports claim that he struck a 24-year old ex-girlfriend with his car, leaving her with 'heavy bruises and abrasions', before fleeing the scene.

Verstappen, now 39 and looking after the karting career of his son, later handed himself in to police in the south-eastern city of Roermond, but is accused of previous attacks on the same woman.

Verstappen contested 106 grands prix between 1994 and 2003, driving for Benetton, Simtek, Footwork, Tyrrell, Stewart, Arrows and Minardi. He has denied the accusations of attempted murder.

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Alexandra Burke’s new song

I don’t know if I like this! It kinda reminds me of Kelly Rowland which is funny coz that’s who Alexandra replaced on X-factor this year durin the famous OKAY.COM incident. I think I’ll wait til the single edit comes out before I judge, not that I normally judge but Alexandra deserves it followin her shambolic display as an X-Factor judge.

Who calls a song Elephant anyway?

3 drinks for the price of 1!

This is class! I’m very impressed with these people. They’re from the Isle Of Wight or somewhere like that and their little trick has become an internet sensation. Don’t ya just love it when ya get free stuff!

Celebrity Big Brother line up

I know I’m a bit late with this one but I want it noted that I’m sick. Here’s the line up for the new season of the UK Celebrity Big Brother with such well known stars as your one from Eastenders, your man that sang It’s All Gravy and some other people. Oh and Irish model Georgia Salpa. I clearly need to get Channel 5!

ANDREW STONE

celebrity big brother Andrew Stone

DENISE WELCH

celebrity big brother denise welch

FRANKIE COCOZZA

celebrity big brother frankie cocozza

GARETH THOMAS

celebrity big brother gareth thomas

GEORGIA SALPA

celebrity big brother Georgia salpa

KIRK NOCROSS

celebrity big brother kirk norcross

KRISTINA & KARISSA SHANNON

celebrity big brother kristina karissa shannon

MICHAEL MADSEN

celebrity big brother michael madsen

NATALIE CASSIDY

celebrity big brother natalie cassidy

NATASHA GIGGS

celebrity big brother natasha giggs

NICOLA MCCLEAN

celebrity big brother Nicola Mcclean

ROMEO DUNN

celebrity big brother romeo dunn

One Direction in bus crash

Clearly the fans are goin a bit wild over this although turns out no one was hurt which is good because I like One Direction. Some of the fans got a bit distraught on Twitter and were cryin and all the rest of it but sure if they were able to do a gig straight after then I’m sure they were grand, however I think that’ll work against them in their whiplash claim.

From Telly Mix

X-Factor finalists One Direction have reportedly received minor injuries after their tour bus was involved in a car accident yesterday.

The group, who were on their way to performing at their latest tour date in Plymouth, were treated for neck injuries, the Daily Mirror reports this morning.

However despite the pain, the boys – Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik and Liam Payne – ignored doctor’s advice to cancel the concert.

“It was pretty terrifying for everyone concerned,” a rather dramatic source explains. “All five boys, plus two members of the crew, were in their tour bus when the car rammed into the back of it.”

They added: “Thankfully, it withstood most of the impact but obviously, travelling at speed, the boys’ couldn’t avoid whiplash. After careering across the road, both vehicles came to a stop. Louis, Zayn and Niall were the worst affected.

“Paramedics advised management to scrap the gig in Plymouth but because the boys didn’t want to let anyone down they agreed to go ahead.”

Friday, 6 January 2012

Jason Derulo breaks his neck

Ouch!!! God love poor Jason. He’s had to cancel his tour includin his date in Dublin after he fractured his neck trainin for it. He’s probably most famous as the person who has a strange need to say “Jason Derulo” at the start of ALL his songs. He tweeted a picture yesterday with his new neck brace on which I’m sure was nice of him. He issued a statement through his management sayin -

"To all my fans who planned to come to the 'Future History' world tour, the pain of letting you down cuts me way deeper than this injury I've sustained.

"My fans mean everything to me, so I'm praying for a speedy recovery in order to perform for you in the near future,"

However instead if cancellin the tour I would have gladly stood on stage in the O2 and said “JASON DERULO” over and over again for an hour like he was probably gonna do anyway.

The REAL Sugababes are back

Well it’s been confirmed that the original Sugababes are back! Siobhan, Keisha and Mutya have reformed although they won’t be called the Sugababes because their replacements over the years, Heidi, Jade and Amele are still called the Sugababes so now theres the Sugababes and the artists formerly known as the Sugababes. It’s all very confusin but lets try make it a bit easier -

ORIGINAL SUGABABES (all left the band to persue “solo careers” but have now reunited and no longer called Sugababes)

New Sugababes

NEW SUGABABES (the ones who replaced the ones above and are currently usin the name)

Old Sugababes

Personally I think they should just have a big Mortal Kombat style deathmatch to see which one are left standing!

Car lands on a house in California

What would ya do if you were sittin down watchin Eastenders and next minute ya hear a bang and ya find a car is after landin on your roof. Personally, I’d shit meself. This happened in some place called Fresno in California and what’s worse is the person drivin tried to run away!!

From RTE.ie

Car became airborne after hitting some large rocks and a tree stump  

Police say a car landed on the roof of an apartment in California, USA after the driver lost control.

The crash happened in Fresno in the early hours of Wednesday morning.

The driver was speeding in foggy conditions and missed a turn in the road, according to police.

The car became airborne after hitting some large rocks and a tree stump and came to rest on the roof of the building.

The driver of the car fled the scene, but was arrested a short time later. He was taken to hospital to receive treatment.

Two young people in the apartment at the time of the crash escaped injury.

Anthony Martinez of the Fresno Police Department said: ''I've been a police officer for 22 years and I have never seen anything like this in my life.''

The car was taken off the roof by crane.

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Today I’m mostly listening to Buenos Aires by Madonna

In case ya don’t know, this is a song from Evita. Also if ya don’t know, Buenos Aires is in Argentina. Its also the place I most want to go in the entire world (apart from Justin Biebers  bedroom) so if any Argentinians are readin and would like me to take part in Argentina’s Got Talent or something I’d be more than happy to go! Call me!

Planking gone wrong

Don’t ya love it when people fall and someone has a camera. Like this thick bitch who fell on her face and then had an oven fall on her while she was plankin! Its a stupid hobby if ya ask me. Like whatever happened to hopscotch or yoyos? Plank me arse!

So Sinead O’Connor is NOT getting divorced

This story is great bit of entertainment! So first she gets married to some chap after 4 months then after 7 hours and 16 days she decides to get divorced and now she decides to give it another go. The woman is pure entertainment and fair play to her. I’m prayin that she’s asked to do the next season of I’m A Celebrity!

From Digital Spy

Sinead O'Connor has announced that she is calling off her divorce.
The 'Nothing Compares 2 U' singer married fourth husband Barry Herridge at the beginning of December, but the couple separated 16 days later.
O'Connor cited "intense pressure" from Herridge's loved ones and the fallout from her "wild ride" to buy drugs on their wedding night as factors in their separation.

However, the 45-year-old took to her newly-reopened Twitter account earlier this morning (January 4) to confirm that the couple have attempted to salvage their relationship.

"guess who had a mad love making affair with her own husband last night?" she wrote. "Yay!!! we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend again an stay married.

"But we did rush so we gonna return to b friend g friend an be sickenly happy an go counsellin an move in in like a yr like regular people.. but stay married an we all in love...so me all happy!! me love me hubby.. he love me... f**k who no like it.. God is good!"

She later added: "yay!!! me husband is a big hairy cave man an came to claim me with his club : ) and now im in cave-land.. yay!! we both go panto!"

O'Connor previously said that being married to Herridge "felt like living in a coffin" and claimed she ended their union "out of respect and love for the man".

Stock taking at London Zoo

This is a lovely little story from the Daily Mail! Its about stock takin at London Zoo where all the keepers have to go and count the animals. What worries me slightly is the fact that each type of animal has its own keeper so clearly they’d notice if a Cheetah was missin long before today!!

They can dive, swim and glide but even the penguins at London Zoo will find it difficult to hide from keepers who have the tricky but essential task of counting every animal in their care.

Some of the world's most endangered species, including rare penguin breeds and two new lion cubs, will be counted for the first time in this year's stock-take.

Macaroni, blackfooted and rockhopper penguins will be among those totted up in their new 1,200 square metre home - the largest penguin pool in the country - along with 752 different species at the zoo.

A Bactrian camel spits in a zookeepers face during a photocall to promote London Zoo's annual stock take of animals

Adrian Walls, team leader of birds at ZSL London Zoo, said: 'We built a very naturalistic environment for the penguins so they can come and go and swim around.

'We work with these birds every day so we know their characteristics and we get to know most of them individually.

'The count does take some time but the penguins have their own individual tags so we can tick them off when we see them.'

Spider, 2: A Red-Kneed Spider rests on a zookeeper's hand as a zoo keeper logs its details during the stocktake

London zookeeper Adrian Walls poses for a photograph as he counts the penguins watched by the nation's media

Once the final figures are collected the data can be shared with zoos worldwide and can be used to help breeding programmes.

Mr Walls added: 'Generally speaking we don't ever lose any animals. We monitor them on a daily basis to make sure every animal is happy and healthy.'

Armed with clipboards and abacuses, the zookeepers recorded 18,499 animals last year, but since then two ginger-haired Francois langur monkeys and two new lion cubs have been born.

A zookeeper feeds Squirrel monkeys. Once the final figures are collected the data can be shared with zoos worldwide and can be used to help breeding programmes

A zookeeper feeds Squirrel monkeys. Once the final figures are collected the data can be shared with zoos worldwide and can be used to help breeding programmes

A Waxy Tree Frog rests on a zookeeper's hand

London Zookeeper Adrian Walls counts the penguins. The zoo's stocktake takes place every year

The female cubs, nicknamed Pumpkin and Spook, made their first appearance in their outdoor paddock in November and are beginning to play fight with each other.

There are around 350 Asian lions remaining in the wild and 90 in captivity.

The cubs are living with their mother, Abi, in the lion den and are slowly being introduced to their 28-stone father, Lucifer.

A penguin swims in its enclosure. Macaroni, blackfooted and rockhopper penguins will be among those totted up in their new 1,200 square metre home - the largest penguin pool in the country

Jungle Nymphs rest on a zookeeper's hand. The zookeepers recorded 18,499 animals last year, but since then two ginger-haired Francois langur monkeys and two new lion cubs have been born

Mark Habben, zoological manager, said: 'The lion cubs are probably the most impressive new arrivals and they are on view now which is a very exciting sight.

'The animals that are always harder to monitor are the fish in the aquarium. There is a lot of rock work so it's hard to be able to count everything.

'It can take up to several weeks for zookeepers to complete the final count in the bug house and aquarium.'

The stocktake is required as part of ZSL London Zoo's licence.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

I didn’t steal the baby Jesus

Despite the rumours that were goin around last week when this story happened, I didn’t actually steal the baby Jesus or have any knowledge of who did. Typical though for something like this to happen here in Waterford and it made the news around the world! SCARLET FOR US!

From RTE.ie

A statue of Jesus that was taken from a crib in Waterford city yesterday has been recovered.

The statue, which had been broken in a number of places, was handed in to Ballybricken Garda Station this evening.

Efforts will be made tomorrow to have the statue put back together and returned to the crib.

Local priest Fr Gerry Langford had appealed for the safe return of the figure, which was made by FÁS workers.

Speaking to RTÉ News earlier, Fr Langford said there was a big search going on around the city, "everybody's talking about it."

"Christmas is a time for miracles and magic, so maybe the baby might turn up again."

And this afternoon the statue was returned, with gardaí crediting the publicity on radio and television.

The open air crib outside the Cathedral on Barronstrand Street was officially opened two weeks ago.

The cathedral said it decided to put Jesus in the crib before Christmas Day due to the "excellent" response from children and passers-by.

The statue was left unprotected overnight in the hope that nobody would damage it, according to the cathedral.

However, the statue of Jesus was stolen in the early hours of yesterday morning.

Gardaí are checking CCTV footage to see if they can find out who was behind the theft.

Waterford Baby Jesus

Monday, 2 January 2012

Rogue golf cart

This happened durin an American football game in Dallas, Texas where the golf cart took off and ploughed down a few people. Ya really just can’t be too careful these days!

This is ironic coming from a company called Virgin!

I laughed at this story from Digital Spy. It’s about a profanity filter that went a bit over the top over the weekend. Ya wouldn’t wanna live in Kilcock in Kildare or Muff in Donegal!

Virgin Media has apologised after a swearing filter on its electronic programme guide (EPG) censored a number of innocuous words and phrases.
Users noticed over the weekend that words such as 'Arsenal' and 'canal' had fallen foul of new software designed to censor profanities.

Programmes affected by the glitch included panel show Never Mind the Buzzcocks, BBC Four documentary The Golden Age of Canals and Will Smith's superhero movie Hancock, which was shown on Channel 5 on Sunday (December 18).

The names of film director Alfred Hitchcock, Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker - who hosts a radio show on BBC 6 Music - and writer Charles Dickens were also censored by the software.

Confirming that the company is fixing the issue, a Virgin Media spokesperson said in a statement: "Over the weekend a temporarily over-zealous profanity checker took offence at certain programme titles.
"The altered titles have been swiftly analysed and we're fixing any remaining glitches."

Crazy bitch doll

I wish I had one of these when I was a kid. Its a doll on sale in the states that clearly says “Okay crazy bitch” which let’s not lie, is actually gas. Clearly the hardcore bible yanks aren’t happy and want it pulled from shelves and all the rest of it. If it was on sale here in Ireland it’d be flyin off the shelves!

And falling is the new cone-ing

Just like the cone-ing video, this here is a new craze. Fallin just seems to be people fallin in a shoppin centre. That happens to me on a regular basis so I must get people to start followin me around Dunnes with a camera.

Cone-ing is the new planking!

Okay so you’ve probably heard of plankin. It’s this weird thing were people just lie down randomly in places and get pictures and videos! Don’t ask me what sort of weird thrill people get from it although some of them can be kinda funny! Well this new craze is called cone-ing and it involves order an icecream cone from a drive-thru and pickin it up by the ice cream part! There’s lots of funny looks thrown by the staff in the video below who don’t know what’s goin on. Try it next time you go through the McDonalds drive-thru!

It’s the ender Pat Butcher

Did ya see what I did there?? I don’t watch Eastenders and haven’t since about 10 years ago but tonight I got dug into it to see the end of poor Pat Butcher who lost her battle with cancer. Actually most of the people in the scene were in it when I watched it years ago so was very sad. I cried a lot. As people have been sayin, it’s the end of an earring! RIP Pat! You’ll be missed. Mainly by people who actually watch Eastenders!

Tomorrow I start a new fitness plan

They say ya should never start a diet on New Years Day which is why I’m piggin out on Chinese, Coca Cola and M&Ms for the last time tonight before I start me new diet tomorrow. I’ll be hittin the Wii Fit (probably with a hammer) jumpin up and down and goin for walks. Oh and not eatin crap! I’ll be bloggin about it now and again so everyone can keep an eye on me and make sure I amn’t losin me way!! So wish me luck and hope that in a few months I’ll have that beach body I always dreamed of! RAWR!

Sunday, 1 January 2012

I get the strangest emails!

This is from a chap called Bob Crew who saw my author profile on Good Reads and suggested we do a piece together which I had to politely decline!

Bob: I don't know about you, Joanna, but I've never taken this Adam and Eve malarkey seriously. You take a naked young couple, put them under a tree in a garden, and then give them an apple of desire when - guess what? - they and the scrummy apple get swiftly eaten by each other! Yum, yum, pig's bum, you can't have none, as we used to say when I was a schoolboy in England. Probably you said something similar when you were a schoolgirl in Ireland? So the fleshy apple has been nibbled slowly to the core - I like a slow nibble myself, how about you? - and spilt all its juice as it has been delightfully sucked out of existence. Well, three cheers for that, I say. But how does it follow from this that ' man is fallen' because wicked woman has enticed him, put temptation in his path, taken his virginity, poor lad, and made a man of him? For heaven's sake! Who believes that who wasn't born yesterday? It doesn't follow at all, of course, which can only mean that a right old buggers' muddle is inevitable in more ways that one if you insist that it does follow, if you insist that doing what comes naturally between men and women is wrong and all the fault of women. If you ask me, the only respect in which Adam was fallen was when he fell right on top of Eve and pleasured her good and proper, providing that is what he managed to do. Let's not forget that, being a virgin, the chances are that Adam was a premature ejaculator! Poor boy. No doubt you have had some experience of wham bam and premature ejaculation, Joanna, when not being nibbled slowly to the core? Maybe you have even enticed young male virgins and robbed them of their virginity? The thing is, what were Adam and Eve thinking of, roaming about naked in the garden together in the first place, if not to enjoy the breath-taking and mutually rewarding pleasures of sex, for which they were both equally responsible? Given that most of us can resist anything but temptation, how were they supposed to resist each other in all their naked beauty? I don't get it, do you? I guess, with a surname like Ryde, you get a lot of jokes about being a good ride?

2 priests

Got this in me email and it made me laugh!

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs,enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them..
They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different coloured topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said

'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied,

'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.