Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Today’s song is This Is Halloween from Nightmare Before Christmas

This is a great song and seein as it’s Halloween today I’ve decided to have a special Halloween Song Of The Day! Nightmare Before Christmas is a great movie and this is one of the best songs from it, although it’s kinda a Christmas movie too so I get confused.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Little donkey


Flying donkey

Today’s song is Especially For You by Kylie & Jason

Awwww. This song makes me want to find someone to hug, preferably someone Australian and HOT!!! I wouldn’t hug Jason Donovan though coz he does nothing for me. I would hug Kylie, not in a lesbian way or anything, just coz she’s so small and cute. I’d probably break her.

I demand that yiz all press play and sing along!

Monday, 29 October 2012

I want this car

Where can you buy a fluffy car cover? COZ I WANT ONE!!! This is amazing! It’d look like I’m drivin a Muppet!

Muppet car

Today’s song is Down Under by Men At Work

This is a song about an Australian on a tour of Europe! At least I think it is. When I was in Gold Coast they played it a lot and all the Aussies went a little bit mad. The video is also a bit strange. I love it though and I’m gonna be singin it all day! I COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER!!!!

Sunday, 28 October 2012

Dead egg

This made me LOL today! The poor egg. I wonder will there be a funeral.

Dead egg

Today’s song is Making Your Mind Up by Bucks Fizz

Another song that makes ya wanna get up and dance! I know I do every time I hear it although that can be a bit embarrassin when you’re on the 39 to the Blanchardstown Shoppin Centre. This won the Eurovision way back before I was born but it still holds up all this time later. Love the rippin off the skirts bit. Must put it into my act!

Saturday, 27 October 2012

I want this towel

Although a fella version! Anyone know where I can get a Zac Efron one?


Today’s song is Total Eclipse Of The Heart by Bonnie Tyler

What a classic! I love Bonnie Tyler and her Total Eclipse Of The Heart. This is one of them songs that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up when ya hear it. Bonnie must be very proud of herself. I’m proud of Bonnie. There’s a Crystal Swing version as well that I’ve put below! Watch it, it’s gas!

Friday, 26 October 2012

It’s Friday!

Today is Friday and I don’t even need to sing a Rebecca Black song to prove it!!

friday baby

Today’s song is Morning Train by Sheena Easton

This song always made me think gettin the train to work would be a lovely experience and then they built the Luas. Not that I ever got a Luas to work but I once or twice got home from a house party in Tallaght of all places when people were goin to work. Sheena Easton hasn’t a clue!

Thursday, 25 October 2012

X-Factor Rylan’s fancy dress birthday party

X-Factor star Rylan Clark had his birthday party in London last night and all the other X-Factor finalists went in fancy dress. Judges Tulisa and Nicole Scherzinger turned up too! Boyband Union J went as surgeons and District 3 as devils.

Rylan clark birthday party

Melanie Masson Xfactor

Tulisa Vampire

Christopher maloney jahmene douglas kye sones james arthur

Nicole Scherzinger

rylan clark lucy spraggan

MK1 xfactor

union j halloween

district 3 bulge

A1’s new single

A1 are back!! In case ya don’t know who they are, they had hits in the late 90s and early noughties with songs such as Like A Rose and Take On Me. They’re now back and have a new album undiscovered comin out soon! Only Ben, Mark and Christian are back because Paul didn’t want to to join the reunion. Here’s their first single Trust Me.

I’m A Celebrity line-up rumours

I have never been a fan of I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here although have watched the odd episode. Every year there seems to be a load of rumours about who will enter the jungle and of course this year it’s as bad as ever. The names linked so far are - Actress Helen Flanagan (Rosie in Coronation Street), Grace Jones, darts player Eric Bristow, actress Linda Robinson (from Birds Of A Feather), about 7 British Olympians, Irish model Georgia Salpa, Triny and Susannah, TOWIE’s Maria Fowler and Pussycat Doll Ashley Roberts. No one too excitin to make me actually watch it so!

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

Jedward cover Skyfall

I don’t know what to make of Jedward sometimes! The love makin videos and I post a few of them here on the blog but this is probably one of the less crazy. It’s the pair of them sittin down and singin the new James Bond theme Skyfall which is normally performed by Adele! I think they do an alright job at it actually!

Iron Man 3 trailer

Iron Man 3 comes out next year as part of the second phase of Avengers which will also include Thor - The Dark World, Captain America - The Winter Solider, Guardians of the Galaxy, Antman and the S.H.I.E.L.D TV series that’s being made at the moment! All of them will build up to Avengers 2 which will be out in 2015.

Robert Downey Jr and Don Cheadle will be back as Iron Man and War Machine with Gwyneth Paltrow and a few new villains! Looks like it’ll be a cracker! CAN’T WAIT! Ya know me and a superhero!

I wish I were a glow worm

Another classic (Yes I just rob these from Amanda’s Facebook now!)

Alternative Miss Ireland winning moment

Ah love this! Today’s video is a very special one for me! It’s the moment I won Alternative Miss Ireland. If you look closely before Panti announces the winner, ya can see me smilin a bit. The Skinny Twins were across from me wavin and tellin me I’d won and I kinda knew at that stage. Me nerves! I wish I still had the Wonder Woman outfit. I don’t have the crown either. It kept fallin off!

Today’s song is Starship Trooper by Sarah Brightman & Hot Gossip

Long before Sarah Brightman ran off to marry Andrew Lloyd Webber and become a big classical music star, she had a hit with this lovely little tune. It’s one of those ones that remind ya of all that was good about disco music. I think I need to go get some spandex! Enjoy while I’m gone!

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

This is how I feel about Farmville

Again this is from my friend Amanda who’s practically keepin the blog goin with her funniness these days! Gas woman!


Alternative Miss Ireland Eveningwear

Today’s YouTube video continues on the Alternative Miss Ireland theme of the last few days. This is the last round - eveningwear. We decided to do the entire competition as a story. In the first act I introduced myself with Maniac and Hard Knock Life, kinda settin the scene. In the swimwear I got arrested so for eveningwear I was in jail but suddenly found god! I’ve always wanted to do Joyful Joyful so I guess it was a good chance to do it and I’ve loads of respect for Queen so was great to do one of their songs. The audience reaction at the end was unbelievable and was so loud in the Olympia. Was in such a great mood when we’d finished.

Today’s song is The Final Countdown by Europe

This is a mad one. For some reason it always reminds me of the War Of The Worlds although that could be just the lyrics and spacey music. I actually remember this bein on some form of an advert in the early 90s when I would have only been a nipper so if you know what it was, let me know!

Tuesday, 23 October 2012


This made me LOL! My ma would probably buy me an eyepad instead of an ipad!

Alternative Miss Ireland swimwear

As ya might have noticed I’ve been writin a behind the scenes look at all me videos for everything you wanted to know and everything you didn’t but I’m tellin ya anyway. This is the Alternative Miss Ireland from when I won in 2007. I already spoke about the daywear the other day and now this is the second round - swimwear. I’ll be honest and say this is one of those things I look back on and regret, the cursin mainly. I never knew I swore so much. A mouth like a sailor I have!!

The questions are planned in advance so we had it well rehearsed. We’d been practicin the handcuffs all the night before so the next day I had big bruises all over my wrists! The cop was played by artist Will St Ledger. Apart from the swearin I really enjoyed it!

Today’s song is True by Spandau Ballet

There’s that moment in life when ya look across a crowded bar and there they are, the love of your life and ya know in that instant that its true love and you’re meant to be together. Jesus I’m never readin Maeve Binchy again!!! Anyway, when that happens, this is the song that should start playin!

Monday, 22 October 2012

Today’s song is Love Is A Battlefield by Pat Benatar

Love Is A Battlefield by Pat Benatar is one of them songs that reminds me of the 80’s straight away and that’s even before the very 1980’s video which for some reason has loads of talky bits in it as well as street sounds and all the rest of it! Don’t even get me started on the leopard print skirt!

Sunday, 21 October 2012

Dancing Queen for Melodica

The melodica is a strange instrument. It’s like a keyboard you blow through. Here’s Dancing Queen!

My Alternative Miss Ireland Daywear

So we’ve had the behind the scenes look at both Awfully Haunted and my time on the All Ireland Talent Show and now here’s a look at my winning performances from Alternative Miss Ireland in 2007! Can’t believe it’s 5 and  a half years ago!!

I was accepted into the competition in late 2006, just before Christmas and it meant I had lots of time to get ready. The thing is, I already had an idea of what I wanted to do so it was easy enough. Hard Knock Life wasn’t actually part of it though! That came after I’d been asked to do Alternative Miss Cork 2 weeks earlier (I came 2nd there) and it went really well so we decided to swap it for what we were gonna mix in after Maniac which was We Like To Party by the Vengaboys. I think it worked out a lot better to be honest. The people dancing with me are Jules & Dean in blue, Aliy and Tranny Ward in green, Heidi and Aidan in yellow and Charmin and Gavin in red. This was really good fun and I still enjoy lookin back on it to this day!

Today’s song is Cherish by Madonna

Today’s song is Cherish by Madonna, an old classic from back before Madge owned some form of school in Malawi, wherever that is. This is one of the ones I can be found dancin around me room to when I’m gettin ready to go out. Enjoy!

Saturday, 20 October 2012

I wish I had a cat

So I could buy it an inflatable unicorn horn! This thing is AMAZIN!

Today’s song is Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr

Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters clearly!! This song is from the film of the same name which is also a cartoon although I dunno which came first. Is it important? No! All that’s important is this is a tune so whip out your ghost costume and give it loads!

Friday, 19 October 2012

Facebook update

LOL! I love the random Facebook status updates about them charging you or sharin your details or that crap! My mate Amanda had this on her’s the other day!

This is deadly serious, so I strongly advise you to read this for your own sake!!!

Facebook will begin stealing your underwear at midnight tonight if you don't copy & paste this message in the next 37 seconds, forward it to everyone in your mailing list, print a hard copy for your grandmother & call your first ever nursery teacher. This is real. I got the message first hand from Elvis who was having lunch with Bigfoot, while riding the Loch Ness Monster. It was even on the inside back cover of every tabloid in the grocery store checkout line!!!!

Not only is the above going to happen, but Facebook will start charging you tomorrow. They are also going to bill your credit card for the past 3 years of services. Luckily, each person who copies & pastes this status will receive a FREE unicorn in the mail tomorrow. However, if you don't re-post this status, Facebook code has been set up to automatically set your computer on fire .......... It's all true ......... It was on the news! It's official! Facebook users will believe anything their friends copy & paste into their status (Don't forget the hearts. All good copy and pastes gotta have hearts.) ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Awfully Haunted Episode 6

Don’t ask me what possessed me to go out into the middle of Finglas in the middle of the night to film this but we thought it was a good idea at the time. We found a little wooded area near Bam Bam’s house and decided that we’d have a bit of a Blair Witch vibe off it. We switched to night vision mode and just ran around with all sorts of madness goin on. I ended up covered in muck and nearly breakin an ankle. It was all a bit mad and I’d say anyone lookin out their window at us would have been traumitised. I don’t know how I get ideas like this into me head.

Today’s song is Show Me Heaven by Maria McKee

Ah Maria! Ya gotta see her. Actually I did see her, back a few years ago at Dublin Pride when she did this song for the first time live in god knows how many years. It was a lovely moment from what I remember. She’s a bit of a hippy is Maria. She said she wrote this song in Ireland. Which is nice.

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Real picture from Waterford

So this picture is from a place called Kilcohen here in Waterford so I believe. Actually I would very much believe it.

Awfully Haunted Episode 5

This one nearly got us into loads of trouble coz we decided we’d have a possessed cat that need to be exorcised. Well clearly the animal rights people didn’t like that even though we actually didn’t do anything to hurt Bam Bam’s pet kittens. I don’t normally like cats but these were as cute and they were real playful. The episode was fun to film coz I’d never actually worked with animals beforehand.

Today’s song is In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins

I can feel it coming in the air tonight. I don’t know what it is but I can feel it. I wonder is it Phil Collins. Wouldn’t ya know if he was comin in the air tonight. There’d be some form of notice he’d give ya. This classic tune has been covered by a few people, notably Lil Kim who rapped to it. Fair play to Kim. Where is she these days? Apart from tryin to row with Nicki Minaj?

Wednesday, 17 October 2012


This is funny. Someone said this was taken here in Waterford. I’d lol if it was! In case you’re not from Ireland, this van is a mobile speed camera.

Awfully Haunted Episode 4

This one was a bit of a surprise! Up until we did the Gypsy Wedding video, this had the highest view count of all me videos on YouTube. I was gettin comments off all sorts of weirdos over it! LOL.

This took 2 takes to shoot but I loved the second take so much. I think meself and Bam Bam work really well in it. The jokes were all off the cuff and completely different from the first take so we just went along with it. Remember nothin we do is ever scripted so we just go along with what ever happens. We ended up with this madness. Really love this video!

Today’s song is Respectable by Mel & Kim

Ah Respectable. A song that defined what people wore in the 1980s. Thank god I wasn’t alive then coz none of that stuff would suit me. I’d look like a Telletubby in some of that stuff. What were they thinkin at all? And would they not brush their hair?

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Tesco till gets frisky

Some member of staff clearly has a sense of humour! I must find out which Tesco this is from!

Tesco penis

Awfully Haunted Episode 3

God it’s so weird how fast time goes. I was writin a daily blog of a video from me YouTube playlist and got sidetracked by something shiny and forgot all about it! I’m back though! SORRY! Here’s the next part.

Okay so episode 3 of Awfully Haunted. I already did Episode 1 and Episode 2 last week so have a look back there if you’re lost! This one is a bit odd. I’d had some words with someone in Dublin by the name of Viagra Falls and so this idea came about. In hindsight it was probably a bit of a childish thing to do but I wasn’t gonna take crap off nobody. We all sat around on Charmin’s bed and did the seance and we had such a laugh. We recorded an entire take before realisin that nobody had actually pressed record so had to do it all again. We’d a great few days doin this actually, although it’s probably me least favourite of all the awfully haunted episodes!

Today’s song is Turning Japanese by The Vapors

Someone once told me this song was about masturbation and I don’t know if they were just tryin to wind me up. It’s because fellas squint when they’re playin with themselves and look Japanese. Is that true? Someone needs to tell me. It’s a good tune though. Hire it up and whip it out!

Monday, 15 October 2012

Today’s song is 99 Red Balloons by Nena

Now this is a great tune. If ya listen closely to the words you’ll realise that it’s about a little boy and a girl who go into a shop to buy balloons and when they let them go, the army think they’re soviet planes comin in to invade and it starts a nuclear war. I bet they’re ragin they just didn’t buy sweets.

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Random musings

Here’s a few things to think about. Not too hard now coz ya might injure yourself.

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you're wrong.

- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

- Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

- There is a great need for sarcasm font.

- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realise I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a d!ck from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies".

- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories.

- Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning that just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem …

- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

- When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

- As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

- I wonder if cops ever get p!*!*d off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

- The other night I ordered take away and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat b*!*!*d before dinner.

Today’s song is Love In The First Degree by Bananarama

Only you can set me free! This is a classic 80s tune right down to the dodgy video. Bananarama really should have been bigger than what they were. Like they should be bringin tunes out now. I’d buy them. This is one of me favourite of theirs. They should have David Guetta remix it.

Saturday, 13 October 2012

Why do you ride hippos?

I LOVE THIS!! CLASSIC. It’s 2 people fightin in Athlone, Ireland and they were caught on camera by someone. The video at the bottom is someone who made a computer voice version of it. I dunno which is funnier.

Today’s song is Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson

Oh Annie are ya okay? Are ya okay Annie? Who is Annie? And what’s wrong with her? Why is he askin is she okay? This video is from the movie Moonwalker which is all a bit random. If you’ve ever seen it you’ll know what I mean. Michael Jackson does a good bit of dancin in it and this is probably the best part of the whole thing. God rest him.

Friday, 12 October 2012

It’s Friday

And as Rebecca Black says, everybody’s lookin forward to the weekend. Except this one. She says veekend.

Today’s song is Luka by Suzanne Vega

This song is about some poor girl gettin beaten up which isn’t nice at all. I always thought it was about a girl named Luka who lived on the second floor and true enough she does but she’s also havin the shite beaten out of her at the same time. She should ring the cops instead of singin about it.

Thursday, 11 October 2012

The ghost car

Here’s a little joke for ya to LOL at.

A man was hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The storm was so strong that he could hardly see his feet in front of him.

Suddenly a car stopped next to him. Without thinking, he got in and closed the door, just to realize that there was nobody behind the steering wheel. The car moved off slowly, He looked ahead and saw a curve in the road. Scared, he started praying, begging for his life. He was terrified. Just before hitting the curve in the road a hand appeared through the window and turned the steering wheel.

The man, now paralyzed with fear, watched how the hand kept appearing every time they got to a curve. Gathering all his courage, he jumped out and ran to the nearest lights he could see. Wet and in shock, he went into a pub and asked for a double brandy. After drinking it, he told everyone of the horrible experience he just had. Everyone was silent when they realized he was crying.

About half an hour later, two men came walking into the pub and, on seeing the terrified man, the one said to the other, “isn't that the idiot that got into the car while we were pushing it?"

Today’s song is Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham

Oh take me dancing tonight! Wake me up before you go-go is actually not about waking someone up before you go which I always thought it was until just now. See ya learn something new every day. This blog is a revolution in itself. George Michael and whoever the other chap in Wham is seem to be havin themselves a lovely time here in this video. Fair play!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

A gay cowboy joke

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room he himself a bit tipsy and lonely, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks"

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

Today’s song is Don’t You Want Me by The Human League

DON’T!! DON’T YOU WANT ME? This girl was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when he met her. Nice story. Great song, probably one of the greatest eighties songs ever written. The Human League know how to apply a good eighties face of make-up and sing a good eighties song. Both come together in this video.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

American exam answers

Yes these are real!

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist upon?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen.)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Cesarean section'.
A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome .

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like tiny umbrellas.

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head

Today’s song is Rock The Boat by Hues Corporation

This is a brilliant song. Rock The Boat is a song that they play at 40ths and 21sts and all sorts of occasions up and down the country when people get down on the floor and wreck their backs doing the dance routine. It’s a classic disco tune. Someone should remix it. Someone like Tiesto! Would be great.

Monday, 8 October 2012

Alton Towers to build rollercoaster with spinning track

I’m a big fan of Alton Towers and have been there a few times. Their new ride is gettin built at the moment and now it looks like the secret weapon has been revealed. The new ride will have a piece of track that spins the coaster trains around and around. Sounds like great fun. Can’t wait to go!

From Towers Times

SW7: Secret Weapon Seven

Alton Towers Resorts new ride for 2013 is currently well under construction with plans widely available on the internet showing a large track layout and station building. The only secret left for this ride (other than its name of course) is what exactly happens inside or below that building.
TowersTimes believes it can now reveal the secret of SW7.

The Shop:
The shop of any ride is usually a fairly unexciting experience. With SW7, Alton Towers Resort intends to change this with an unusual building technique. A portion of the shops flooring will be made out of glass allowing guests to see the ride as it passes below. This is not all as the section of the ride which passes below the shop is the as yet unknown 'secret' element.
The Secret Element:

Rumours have long pointed to this ride chasing the world record for 'Most Inversions' - an inversion for those who do not know is when the rider is turned upside down. With the release of the plans it seemed as though this was not the case as the track layout showed only 8 inversions. Although there was still the unknown space inside the building this was thought not to contain enough room for the amount of inversions required to break the record. Until now.

Multiple sources have contacted us and 'confirmed' that the secret element inside the SW7 building and under the shops glass floor will be a revolving track section. This element will flip the track and thus the train through multiple full 360 degree revolutions. The effect to riders will be similar to that of a 'inline twist' or 'heartline roll'. It is unknown at this point how many times the train and track will be inverted. Other special effects are expected in the form of theming and lighting to complement this element.

Loreen - My Heart Is Refusing Me

Eurovision winner Loreen is back with her first single since Euphoria won back in May. Wonder if this will be as big a hit all over Europe as the last one, especially in the UK and Ireland where Eurovision acts don’t usually do very well in the charts. It’s no Euphoria but it’s okay. I might give it a spin at me next DJ gig to see how it goes down.

Girl in hospital after drinking liquid nitrogen cocktail

I really dunno if I’d drink something with liquid nitrogen in it, especially after readin this. It’s been on Sky News all day too. They say she’s recoverin well.

This from The Westmorland Gazette

An investigation is underway after an 18-year-old girl was taken ill during a night out in Lancaster city centre.

The girl, of Heysham, had been out with friends on Thursday evening and reported feeling breathless after drinking a cocktail containing liquid nitrogen.

She then developed severe stomach pain and was taken to Lancaster Royal Infirmary at about 11pm.

There she was diagnosed with a perforated stomach and underwent emergency surgery to remove her stomach.

She is currently in a serious but stable condition.

Lancashire Police continues to work closely with partner agencies and the licensed premises involved.

A Lancashire Police spokesperson said: "The investigation is still in its early stages and we are still interviewing witnesses to establish the full facts.

"The premises involved have fully cooperated with all agencies and have suspended drinks involving liquid nitrogen."

Novak Djokovic does Gangnam Style

Novak Djokovic told his fans that if he won the Chinese Open, he’d do the Gangnam Style dance! So he went and won and this pushy Chinese host MADE him do it there and then when we was receivin his trophy! He seems to take it all in good spirits.

A joke about an elderly couple

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what Martha?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck...

Today’s song is I Love Your Smile by Shanice

"I Love Your Smile" is the type of thing you hear on toothpaste ads all over the world. Actually I think it might be on a chewin gum ad at the moment or did I just make that up?? CLASSIC song. This is Shanice’s biggest hit coz I’ve never heard anything else she did. Where is she now I wonder?

Sunday, 7 October 2012

Some of life’s tough questions

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did "cured ham" actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's in your bum?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that sofas are not on sale?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Today’s song is Africa by Toto

"Africa" by Toto is another classic eighties song that cheers me up every time I hear it. Actually I think it’s an awful pity I wasn’t born twenty years earlier. I’d be great in the eighties. I don’t really know what the song is about but I guess it’s about a continent. Could be wrong!

Saturday, 6 October 2012

A random interview

I found this old interview and thought I’d share it.

1. Where did you wake up this morning?
Outside Ikea! Don’t ask me how. I’m not even a lesbian!

2. When were you last naked in front of another person?
About an hour ago when I got out of the shower and realised me ma had all the auldones from the road around to look at her new venitian blinds.

3. Who did you last receive a text from and what did it say?
Charmin askin’ me did I take her bra! The answer was obviously no as I’m a D cup and she’s an A!

4. If you were invisible for a day. What would be the first thing you’d do?
Zac Efron

5. What do you dislike about yourself?
The fact that I don’t have Kathryn Thomas’s job! I’d be amazin’ on No Frontiers.

6. When was the last time you cried?
I cry all the time! Especially at X Factor. And sometimes Total Wipeout.

7. What was the last lie you told?
Please see questions 1 to 6.

8. What’s been the most embarrassing moment of your life?
Anything to do with me bein’ seen talkin’ to Blaithnaid McGee!

9. Ever been chatted up by another Drag Queen?
See question 8.

10. Apart from your Car or Home, What is the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?
I steal most things. Eh does me pet Lesbeing count? She’s got me bankrupt!

The duck song!

We haven’t had the duck song in AGES! I love this! It makes me laugh. GOT ANY GRAPES?

Today’s song is The Only Way Is Up by Yazz

I LOVE THE EIGHTIES!! This is another classic. Yazz and the Plastic Population released this song sometime before I was born. The Only Way Is Up is the type of thing I still dance to in clubs from time to time when no one else is lookin. Actually I dance to it in me bedroom too. What a choon.

Friday, 5 October 2012

Jedward in the bath

Yesterday we had Jedward in the shower and now we have them in the bath. Don’t even ask what’s goin on here but I think it has something to do with them meetin Katy Perry. I wouldn’t wanna be cleanin up that mess. I bet their ma killed them.

Awfully Haunted Episode 2

The second episode of Awfully Haunted and this one was shot in Waterford. We filmed episode 3 on the same night. We thought this might be a bit of laugh and Cher is always a great character to get involved coz you never know what’s gonna happen. We didn’t script any of it like the last one and did it all in one take. We had a good laugh which obviously was tough coz we were tryin not to laugh in the scene. It was filmed in Charmin’s old sittin room and we didn’t even know what cards were gonna come up so we had to make it all up on the spot. It’s funny coz lookin back on these videos there’s LOADS I’d do differently if it was now.

Today’s song is Dragostea Din Tei by O-zone

"Dragostea Din Tei" is a song in Romanian by the Moldovan group O-Zone. It was one of the only songs in recent times in a language not English that charted here in Ireland. The video involves 3 colourful little chaps running around singin. This was a big hit all over Europe. Turn it on and dance around.

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Jedward in the shower

I LOVE Jedward. They’re so odd and funny at the same time. Its my mission in life to go for a drink to them. Here is the lads tellin ya how to have a shower. When the music career ends they’ll have a great line in comedy. I’d watch them. LOL. Actually I’m ragin there’s no nudity.

Awfully Haunted Episode 1

Every day, I bring you a little behind the scenes look at my YouTube videos and up til now, I’ve been coverin The All Ireland Talent Show. In the next week I’ll be lookin at me web series Awfully Haunted which I made in 2009.

I’d had the idea to do this for a while and myself, Ian and Shane (Ian plays Bam Bam) had talked about it. We eventually decided to do it and a lot of the it was shot in 1 night. Believe it or not, I’d never seen an episode of Most Haunted and so I kinda just went at it thinkin that each episode would be based on a different scary or paranormal thing.

This first episode was shot in Ian and Shane’s kitchen and we winged the entire thing. I’ve never scripted any of my videos so we just got Shane to record it and we went for it. The intro was filmed along with all the others later that evenin in their sittin room!

After I put this online, a lot of people started talkin to me about Kung Po Fuk which was kinda funny. I get people quotin the videos a lot and that name kinda stood out.

By the way, I made the theme tune myself!!

Today’s song is Stuck In The Middle With You by Stealers Wheel

"Stuck in the Middle" is one of those type of songs that I actually don’t like but some sap gets up and sings it at karaoke and wrecks everyones heads. Again I don’t think Stealers Wheel did much after this but I know Louise did a version of it at some stage.

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Do the Shake N Vac

Oh how I love this! When they relaunched Shake N Vac for its 30 year anniversary, they got Jenny Logan who was originally in the advert to do the new one. And then they got Jedward too. Just to point out, that I recently did the Shake N Vac and got a room and a half out of the bottle! They need to do like buckets of it instead. I should write to the makers with that suggestion. I might win a prize.

End of me All Ireland Talent Show journey

Over the last week or so, I’ve been bringin ya a little bit of a background behind the All Ireland Talent Show and the time I spent involved in it. This is where it all comes to an end. What’s funny is that people asked me after would I go back again but I got to the final 10 in Dublin in Season 1 before bein the last person eliminated and I got into the live shows in season 2. I’d proven to meself what I wanted to prove and I was happy with that. I knew I’d never win something like that and the experience was stressful and drainin. I was glad it was over and I’d never do anythin like it again.

So that leads us to the big moment where we were eliminated. Of course I had to leave with style and as I left the stage I cartwheeled which is why you hear the audience cheer a bit and Grainne laugh.

Thanks for readin me little behind the scenes look, from tomorrow on I’ll start on Awfully Haunted.

Another Kilkenny article

Followin on from the one yesterday, this ones the Kilkenny Advertiser!

Kilkenny’s green theme kicks off a successful St Patrick’s Day
Kilkenny Advertiser, March 19, 2010.

By Denise Somers

This year’s St Patrick’s day parade provided a massive boost to Kilkenny city with hundreds of people turning out to watch the parade ,which contained over 40 different participating groups, floats and clubs.

The theme of the parade was a ‘green element’ including environmentally friendly floats and acts which encouraged everyone to be more green in their lifestyles.

The weather was also in favour as the rain held off for the day, creating a fun event for both young and old with family and friends all out to enjoy the day. Each act made its way from MacDonagh Junction down John Street over John’s Bridge up High Street to the reviewing stand at the Tholsol, where some participants had the opportunity to give a demonstration before continuing on to the Market Yard.

Everyone had the chance to view various contributions from all that the communities of Kilkenny has to offer - from inspiring creativity, bands, martial arts, dance academies to the reptiles from Gowran’s reptile village. Even All Ireland Talent Show’s Joanna Ryde made an appearance in Kilkenny for our national day.

The parade created great community spirit and brought many people from all over to see the successful event. Later in the day there was a ‘Twilight Party’ which was hosted on the new parade space and this was also well attended and enjoyed by a large proportion of young people.

Entertainment was provided by various acts including Ms Ryde, Lords of Strut and Pyrotechnix. The event was sponsored by St Francis’ Abbey Brewery which is celebrating 300 years brewing in Kilkenny.

The entire day’s events offered families a great day out and created a sense of community among people.

Today’s song is Walking In Memphis by Marc Cohn

"Walking in Memphis" is a great tune. It’s the biggest song that Marc Cohn had although Cher did a great version of it later. I’d like to go to Memphis. I think it’s in Tennessee. This is the type of song you’d put on and nod your head to it. Great song.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Washing machines live longer with Calgon

Or whatever that is in German. They have the same type of Calgon ads there that we have here. Vashing machina lieben lenger mit Calgon.

All Ireland Talent Show judges

So after we’d performed in the live show (see yesterday’s blog!!) we got to relax a bit backstage and wait for the results. Outside in the studio the judges were talkin about us and the first video below shows what they said! Dustin and Aidan were stickin up for us. I still maintain to this day that John Creedon only marked us a 6 because Shane Lynch had given his act a 3 the week beforehand! That was the lowest mark in the history of the show so John clearly was punishin us for it.

Another interestin thing to note is that the judges votin for all 5 acts was also the closest in all 3 seasons of the All Ireland Talent Show. Na Fianna were 1 point ahead of Olwyn and Michelle, they were 1 point ahead of us and Leonardo so it was tight.

Also, accordin to the bookies, Na Fianna, ourselves and Leonardo were the favourites in each of our regions to win the show outright, Olwyn and Michelle were second favourites in their region so not really sure why the judges put 5 strong favourites in the same show? Was an odd decision.

Anyway, the 2nd video is Shane Lynch askin people to vote and the last one is Dana tellin me I can dance in the results show!

An article from the Kilkenny People

This article was about the year I headlined the St Patrick’s Day Festival in Kilkenny along with my fellow All Ireland Talent Show contestants Pyrotechnix. Great day in a great city!

Up to 20,000 enjoy St Patrick's Day festivities
By: Jim Rhatigan

Pictures: Pat Moore

Date: Monday, March 15, 2010

IT WAS arguably the greatest ever St Patrick’s Day in Kilkenny. The big parade that took over one and a half hours to cross the city was one of the best supported in years.

And the organisers of the parade, and concert on the new look Parade, can certainly take a bow as up to 20,000 men, women and children enjoyed a wonderful day of festivities.

The concert was a rip roaring success with a host of local entertainers provided a tremendous show. The show rocked from start to a resounding finish when Joanna Ryde and Pyrotechnix from St Kieran’s College really let it rip. MC was Edwina Grace who did a first class job.

Kilkenny was awash with shamrock and traditional green and white badges and buntings. The day was a real multi cultural affair with people from several countries around the world entering into the spirit of St Patrick.

Today’s song is Venus by Bananarama

"Venus" is one of Bananarama’s biggest hits and when I was younger I used to wish I was one of them. I used to rob me ma’s high-heels and dance around the kitchen to this. These days it’s still a great tunes and one of the best eighties songs around. I’m off to get me hairbrush to dance around the bedroom with.

Monday, 1 October 2012

Steering wheel prank

This is hilarious. Me friend Amanda sent it to me and she’s always sendin me random stuff like this. It’s actually from an anti boredom campaign. I’m gonna try it on the M9 Motorway next time I go to Dublin!

All Ireland Talent Show live performance

So I’m talkin yiz through me videos every day and at the moment we’re doin The All Ireland Talent Show. Today we’re on the live show performance that was seen by a massive 650,000 people! That’s like 20% of Ireland or somethin.

After the Backstage interview I talked about yesterday, we had to get ourselves ready for the dress rehearsal. The producers didn’t let me use me own make-up artist so I was left with some one who wouldn’t listen to me, made me look plastic and insulted me the whole time. I was so annoyed when I was done but there was nothin I could do. That along with the awful outfit they put me in proved they had their own ideas of what they wanted me to do. There was no way I’d get through so me and The Lads just enjoyed the evenin.

We had a dress rehearsal with all the judges and had a bit of a chat with them, then we had to wait around in our costumes for 3 hours before the show went live. Clearly we didn’t and we snuck out to see the audience! I’ve never been in so many pictures in me life.

The show went live and we had to wait to perform. Just as we were goin on stage, Giles decided to run off for a wee and made it back just in time. Ya can’t notice it in this clip but the sound didn’t work properly in the studio and it only cuts back in when I see the word bus. I know I can’t sing to save me life but I might have been able to start in the right key if I had of been able to hear it!

Anyway, the video below shows not only the performance but what the judges had to say about it afterwards.

Today’s song is Here Come The Girls by Ernie K Doe

"Here Come the Girls" is originally a song by Ernie K Doe but became a big hit when the Sugababes covered it on a Boots advert one Christmas. I think they’ve used it every year since. I don’t really like it but sure Song Of The Day is for EVERYONE, not just me. Do you like it?