Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Alicia Keys

I got into trouble for this one! Little did I know that you’re not allowed record inside the concerts when you get free tickets to go and watch them so the PR company weren’t happy! It was a great concert though and I’m glad I actually got to see Alicia after wanting to see her for so long! Was great craic.

Eurovision 2014 - Sweden

Could Sweden pull off another win? They’re going to be close. This is one of the better ballads in the competition this year and should see them challenging for the win. Could it between them and Armenia? It’s no Euphoria but it’s a decent song. The Swedes have Eurovision figured out. Their qualifying system is what Ireland should be doing. I really like this. It’s a nice song and should get a lot of attention. Sanna Nielson seems to be good live. I like this.

Car Insurance Claims Excuses

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.

I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.

I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

The telephone pole was approaching fast.

I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.

I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.

I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Louis Walsh’s Boyband

Well we know now that the band is called Hometown and I got to meet them in person at the Britain’s Got Talent auditions in Belfast, nice lads and I’ve spoken to some of them a few times since, although none of the people I interviewed here actually made it into the band.

Eurovision 2014 - Spain

You might remember Ruth Lorenzo from the X-Factor a few years ago and here she is with Spain’s Eurovision song. They always seem to do these songs and then don’t do too well. I wonder what people will think of Ruth! This is called Dancing In The Rain and is Spain’s best song in years. They could go top 10 with this. I hope they do coz I like Ruth. I saw her live once. The more I’ve listened to this song, the more I’ve liked it so I wouldn’t mind it doing okay! YOU GO RUTH!

Alternative Irish Travel Ad!

Oh this made me LOL!

Discover Ireland

Monday, 28 April 2014

Ryan Dolan

Ryan Dolan represented Ireland in the Eurovision Song Contest in 2013 in Malmo and I had a chat with him while he was there. He told me about the Eurovision, what he thought of the other acts and we had a good old flirt! Clearly he thought I was only the image of gorgeous! And I am!

Eurovision 2014 - Slovenia

I couldn’t really remember what this one was so had to play it again and then I did remember it and remembered it was BRUTAL! God I don’t like this at all. Someone thought it’d be a great idea to sing in Slovenian and English at the same time. Yeah good luck with that. The song is round and round by Tinkara Kovač but fair playing to her for trying. This might sneak through to the final, although probably not. It won’t win anyway. Meh.

Office Dares!

First person to 20 points is a winner....

ONE-POINT DARES:

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

Walk sideways to the photocopier.

While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.

When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."

Don't use any punctuation.

Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

 

THREE-POINT DARES :

Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Everytime you get an email, shout ''e-mail''.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone is over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout,"dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.

Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.

Call I.T. help desk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web-sites.

 

FIVE-POINT DARES :

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up,damn it, all of you just shut up!"

At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"

During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

Hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll call you tonight

Sunday, 27 April 2014

Driving With Trish

Trish is probably not the best person to be getting into a car with! She’s got that fiery Caribbean temperament and road rage would be a very good friend of hers. I was terrified on this journey. We actually put her through driving lessons on the radio but sadly she didn’t pass, although that didn’t stop her causing mayhem in a go-kart against rally driver Craig Breen.

Eurovision 2014 - San Marino

Ah! Poor San Marino. They’re the only one of the small countries left in the Eurovision and they really really really want to get to the final! They got so close last year and in fairness, the song was really good. This year, they’ve sent Valentina back for the 3rd time in the hope that she’ll make it to the final. I really hope she does because they try so hard. The song is called Maybe so maybe they’ll make it to the final. Jesus, it’d be like winning for them. I like Valentina. She’s gas. The song isn’t as good as last year but it’s better than the Facebook one!

Broken Printer

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........

Broken Printer

Saturday, 26 April 2014

50k Walk

I walked 50 kilometres! I think it’s important that I point that out. It was a charity walk in aid of MS Ireland and we went all the way from Mullingar to Maynooth along the Royal Canal! A whole 50k! Can you believe that. I was well impressed with myself. I didn’t even need an ambulance once!

Eurovision 2014 - Russia

This is a bit odd. The Tomalchevy Twins are Russia’s answer to Mary Kate & Ashley and their song for Copenhagen is Shine. It’s a bit crap. Russia will do well because of the whole thing with their neighbours voting for them but there’s also the chance they might not do as well this year over the Ukraine thing. This song isn’t as good as what they’ve done in the last few years with the dancing grannies and What If last year. Bit dodgy being honest. Can’t see it doing too well. This has to be the closest they’ll get to not qualifying in years I’d say.

Phones For Sale!

Hi Lads

I've got 2 mobiles that I am no longer using and wanted to know if anyone
would be interested?? I have attached a picture.....

1) Almost new sim free Nokia with camera (4.1 mega pixels) €60

2) Older model Nokia with camera and vibrating alert €40

Have a look at the pics and let me know if you're interested.

Camera Phone

Friday, 25 April 2014

My Beat Fleet Audition

Following on from yesterday where I interviewed people that were audition for the Beat Fleet, I thought I’d give it a go myself to see how I got on. Zara and Vinny were the ones asking the questions and it was all a bit of laugh. Clearly I was amazing but seeing as I already had a job, they thought I’d be way too qualified for the team!

Eurovision 2014 - Romania

This is one of my favourites so I hope they do well. I wouldn’t mind going to Bucharest next year. Would be a great laugh. This is Paula Selling and Ovi with Miracle and you might remember they had a double ended piano a few years ago and came 3rd. I think this one could do really well so I’m gonna put some money on them, not that I condone gambling. It’s a fun song and it’s a bit dancey so it’s that little bit different from a few of the others. Romania seem to be doing decent enough in the semis but not in the final. Hopefully this one changes that!

Selotape Art

I love this! Selotape art!

Selotape boySelotape swansSelotape hoboSelotape man in WallSelotape lollySelotape horseSelotape manSelotape dogsSelotape GiraffeSelotape beggarsSelotape babySelotape womenSelotape giant phoneSelotape kids

Thursday, 24 April 2014

Beat Fleet Auditions

The Beat Fleet are like a street team that work for Beat 102 103 and so I thought I’d go along and have a bit of laugh with the auditionees, see if they were up to my tough standard. It went well and some of the people you hear on this report actually got the job! I put in a good word!

Eurovision 2014 - Portugal

Portugal have been entering a long long time and have never come close to winning. Let’s not lie, they aren’t going to be close to it this year either. What in the name of all that is holy is this crap? It’s like something you’d hear as the poolside entertainment on your Budget Travel fortnight in Albufeira. This is down near the bottom with the juries and rightly so. The song is Quero ser tua by Suzy and it’s about 20 years too late for the competition. Poor Suzy! I’m going to enjoy slagging her over the next few weeks!

Seen It All

Horse Fixing CarVan with roofTree in RoadParaglider caught on planeTrain in buildingDogsBears on roadBus in GlacierTruck on endStrange apartment buildingBridge doesn't joinBoulder on roadCaravan on raftHello Kitty CarDinosaurs in ice

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Blood Brothers

Blood Brothers is a play about brothers from Liverpool who fight over a women, at least that’s what I think it’s about. I spoke to the cast of the production that was on here in Waterford and this is what happened. They were a gas crowd!

Eurovision 2014 - Poland

I love this! It’s like a bit of fresh air in the Eurovision. It’s Donatan and Cleo with We Are Slavic. It’s the type of thing I’d have on my iPod. Actually, I don’t have an iPod. It’s not the usual type of Eurovision song so don’t know how well it’ll do. It’s the best that Poland have had in years. I can’t wait to see what it looks like live. I hope they have loads of girl dancers and have them all twerking! That’d be fun.

I really want this to do well although not sure how the juries will go. Think the public will like it more. Happy for Poland! Well done lads!

HOLY SHIZ!

NOW! This is mad!

Big MusclesGiant FootprintsBull RunTrain bridgeBear attacks golfersGiant FishHuge sound systemGiant AnacondaPlane engine

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

The Estate

The Estate was a program on TV3 about a place in Waterford called Ballybeg and staring real people doing real things. Now Ballybeg wouldn’t be the most glamorous area in the city and is probably one of the most well known council estates in the country but we all got glued to Shauna, Dennis and all the rest of the cast! So much so that Shauna asked me over for tea! Have a listen!

Eurovision 2014 - Norway

This annoys me. Loads of people have been raving about it but I think it’s whingey and annoying. I hope he doesn’t even qualify although with all the pretentious crap with the judges, he will. Yawn.

The song is called Silent Storm and the artist is Carl Espen. Norway won a few years ago with Alexander Rybak (RIDE) and now here they are with this chap. People thought they were going to win last year but clearly they didn’t. I just don’t know how this is going to do in the voting. MEH! That’s what I think!

Although now in saying that, I wouldn’t mind listening to it on the radio.

Chinese Couple On Their Wedding Night

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring "My darring,"he whispers, "I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.You juss ask... so... whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69." More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...  "You want...Garlic Chicken with steam vegtable? "

Monday, 21 April 2014

Superhero

I’ve always dreamed of being a superhero! I thought I’d make a lovely X-Man although I’m not really sure about how I’d go about it. So with that in mind I thought I’d go out and about onto the streets to ask people if they were to be a superhero, who they’d be and what they’d be able to do!


Eurovision 2014 - Montenegro

I forgot all about this one so clearly I skip it a lot when I’m listening to it. It’s Sergej Ćetković with Moj svijet and clearly I copy and pasted that. Don’t ask me what it means.

I’ve been to Montenegro and it’s a nice place. I’d like to go back although I think we can say it won’t be for the Eurovision in 2015. They won’t win with this. They’ve nearly qualified a few times. They tried out the auld dubstep last year and I really liked it. They’ve gone down a different road this year with this folky crap. Let’s not lie, this is a bit brutal and they don’t have their mates from Serbia or Croatia to vote for them this year. Might not get to the final. They’ll be raging. They’ll probably leave like the other old Yugoslav countries. Yeah, brutal.

What Kids Think Of Marriage

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
( 1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like   sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should
keep the   chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10
 

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER   by
  then.
- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
 

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling   at
the   same kids.
- Derrick, age 8
 

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8
 

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each   other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)
 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers   and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9
 

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with   that.
- Curt, age 7 (Good Point)
(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should   marry
  them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)
 

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm
never   going to have s*x with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed
out.
- Theodore, age 8 (Too much detail for his age)
(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone   to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
 

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favourite is........
 

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands)

Sunday, 20 April 2014

Suirvivor Challenge

Suirvivor Challenge is like an obstacle course with lots of muck so I thought it’d be great fun to get stuck in and give it a go however I got injured and it didn’t really work out in the end! But I did the interview and that’s all that matters isn’t it? NO?

Eurovision 2014 - Moldova

This is Cristina Scarlet with Wild Soul. The video is a bit odd. It’s some form of synchronised swimmer vibe mixed with Madonna’s Frozen. Fair play to Moldova, they seem to be giving it a good go lately. They had the girl with the light up dress last year that I really liked. This one has a dubstep breakdown during the chorus and you know how much I like a bit of dubstep. If Skrillex was to enter the Eurovision he’d clearly win, although in saying that, this isn’t as good as the Armenia song. She’s mad for the wild soul this one. Ah it’s grand, not the worst although not the best. In the middle for me!

OMG!

Things that make you say.....OMG

OH MY GOD

Big boobs

Bulge

Big Boobies

Big man small bike

 

Ripped pants

Saturday, 19 April 2014

Morocco

So here’s the story! I went on holiday to Spain and I thought to myself it’d be nice to have a little day trip to Tangier in Morocco! That’d be a great idea I thought. It wasn’t. Let’s just say things didn’t go according to plan and I soon found myself on the wrong arm of the Moroccan law. Things sorted themselves out although I’ve been left emotionally scared from my experience!

Sign Language

I was doing garden work this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower.

I realised that I couldn't find the rake.

I yelled up to my wife, "Where is the rake?"

She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?"

I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion.

Then my wife wasn't sure and said "What?" I repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"

My wife replied that she understands and signals back.

She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.

Well, there is no way in hell I could even come close to that one.

Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that? She replies, (scroll down, it's worth it) "Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush"

Friday, 18 April 2014

The Wedding Day

So this was actually when they let me start working in Beat properly. The first event I went to was The Wedding Day which was a wedding fair. No clearly I went with an eye on finding myself a husband but that didn’t really go to plan but sure I got free cake and a chance at modelling some lovely bridesmaid dresses! Story of my life! ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID NEVER THE BRIDE!

ME NERVES!

I wouldn’t be able for this now!

Big Wave coming

Kids with paintAirplane approachingLost a wheelParachuting towards alligators