Eurovision 2013 - United Kingdom

I don’t care what ANYONE says, THIS IS BONNIE TYLER! The woman is a legend and brought us the hits Total Eclipse Of The Heart and Holding Out For A Hero and should be praised and loved for that fact. I like this song too. It’s called Believe In Me and it’s a bit of a country sound off it.

The UK get a bit of stick for sendin’ big acts to Eurovision that don’t really do well. Of course they have 5 wins with Sandie Shaw, Lulu, Brotherhood of Man, Bucks Fizz and Katrina & The Waves. Since the turn of the century they had a 3rd with Jessica Garlick, a 5th with Jade Ewan and very little else in the top ten! They’ve also finished last 3 times since then. One day very soon they’re gonna send the right act and win again!

Eurovision 2013 - Ukraine

If Disney were to write a song for the Eurovision, this would be it! The song is Gravity by Zlata Ognevich. It’s all very happy and nice with everyone smilin’ and lovin’ each other. I wonder how it’ll translate onto the stage. There’s a bit of an African sound behind it too and a good beat. This has been growin’ on me every time I hear it. Dyin’ to see it live.

Ukraine have been enterin’ since 2003 and won just the year after with Ruslana and Wild Dances which must have been lovely for them. They’ve never failed to get out of the semi final in all the years they’ve been enterin’ and this year will be no exception. They had some great second places as well with Dancing Lasha Tumbai and Shady Lady in 2007 and 2008.

I like Gravity!

Eurovision 2013 - Switzerland

Switzerland gave us probably one of the most famous winners in Eurovision history when a young Canadian girl called Celine Dion won for them in 1988. The first competition was held there in 1956 and they won it themselves with Refrain by Lys Assia. They’ve used high profile acts like Vanilla Ninja and DJ Bobo. DJ Bobo’s song Vampires Are Alive was actually favourite to win and failed to make it out of the semi final which was a big surprised and pissed off the Swiss. It was a start of a run of 4 years not making it out of the semis and there was talk of Switzerland pullin’ out which they didn’t do in the end.

This year the song is You And Me by Takasa. It’s another middle of the road song which there seems to be lots of this year. The guitars are really out in force and there’s loads of ballads too which makes ya wonder will songs like Germany, Denmark and Ireland be stand outs? HMMM

Eurovision 2013 - Sweden

Sweden take the Eurovision VERY seriously. Their selection process lasts for months and has heats and a huge final. They’ve won 5 times now with ABBA their first and then Herreys, Carola, Charlotte Nilsson and of course Loreen last year. They’re holdin’ the competition in Malmo this year. Of course Waterloo by ABBA was voted the best Eurovision song ever at the 50th anniversary. Sweden have qualified out of the semi final all but once.

This year the song is You by Robin Stjernberg and it has a nice little ring to it but it’s definitely not a winner. It might do well enough and most years the host country does well regardless so it could easily be a top 10 even though it probably doesn’t deserve to be. Average at best!

Eurovision 2013 - Spain

Ah Spain. They do have some AWFUL Eurovision songs. There’s always some Spanish girl willin’ to sing some form of strange ballad that people tend to just forget about or some weird Spanish fella singin’ crap. I don’t really know what they do be on half the time. This sounds like the bloody Corrs! If the Corrs were from Madrid they would sound like this. It’s a bit bland. Can’t see it doin’ well. The song is called Contigo Hasta El Final by EDSM.

Spain’s last top 5 finish came WAY back in 1995. They’ve had 2 wins and they were in a row in 1967 and 1968. They’ve had 3 nul points finishes. Strangely enough, there’s only been 3 times that a song has had to be performed a second time in the final due to an interruption and two of those times was with Spain. When Azúcar Moreno opened the contest in Zagreb in 1990 with the song Bandido the orchestra and playback started out of sync and the singers missed their cue and they just walked off the stage. In Oslo in 2010 Daniel Diges's performance of Algo Pequeñito was interrupted by some chap called Jimmy Jump and they went again at the very end!

Eurovision 2013 - Slovenia

I already can’t remember ever hearin’ this song so I think sayin’ that is as good a place to start as any. The song is called Straight Into Love by Hannah who it seems only needs the one name. She must be famous enough in Slovenia but then again I don’t know. Actually havin’ listened again it actually sounds like she’s Slovenia’s answer to Tulisa!

Slovenia haven’t ever done very well at the Eurovision Song Contest. Their best result is 2 7th places and they’ve only managed to get out of the semi finals twice since 2004. They just kinda turn up and make up the numbers although one day something strange is gonna happen and they’re actually gonna do well. I hope so. God loves a trier!

Eurovision 2013 - Serbia

Serbia are one of only 2 countries to win on their Eurovision debuts. Of course the first was Switzerland in 1956 at the first competition and Serbia was also part of Serbia & Montenegro before that and Yugoslavia even before that. They’ve only once failed to get out of the semi final and last year they came 3rd.

This year their song is called Ljubav Je Svuda by Moje 3 who are like Serbia’s answer to the Sugababes. I actually like it and it’ll defo make the final although I think they struggle by not singin’ in English. Not sure if it’s a top 10 finisher though.

Eurovision 2013 - San Marino

This is one of me favourites from this years competition and I really hope they do well! The song is called Crisalide and it’s by Valentina Moneta who is real live person from San Marino. It’s the smallest country in the competition by far so fair play to them. I love it and I really hope it does well. It could be a very strange dark horse for the win. I would love nothin’ better for San Marino to win the Eurovision Song Contest. It’d be EPIC. In case you didn’t know, she was the girl who had the song about Facebook last year.

San Marino have only been enterin’ since 2008, missed 2009 and have never qualified out of the semi final. Valentina Moneta has now represented them half the times they’ve been in the competition. If there’s any justice in the world this song should be a top 5 finisher. Think it could do really well with the jurys.

Eurovision 2013 - Russia

Russia are strange when it comes to Eurovision. They won with Believe & Dima Bilan and paid enough to do it with Timbaland’s team behind the song. They sent the grannies last year too and did well enough with them. Of course Russia have lots of neighbours who they’re very pally with which helps them over achieve in the competition. Since their entry into the competition in 1994 they’ve had a win, 3 second places and 2 thirds, one of which was with T.A.T.U who were big at the time. They’ve never failed to qualify from the semi final.

This year they’ll be represented by Dina Garipova with What If which sounds like the winners song from Russian X-Factor. I don’t think it’s in contention for a win and the bookies even have it very high but it’ll definitely make the final. Don’t think it’s as strong as Denmark or Germany and that lot.

Eurovision 2013 - Romania

I really don’t know what to say about this song. I liked it at first coz I thought this is a great duet but then I found out it’s not actually a duet. It’s a fella who sings like a girl. It disturbs me and ruins what could be a great song. It’s called It’s My Life by Cezar. It’s a pity coz if it was a girl singin’ it’d do SOOO much better. Could they not just find a girl? And he’s masculine lookin’ so it just makes it worse! I dunno if it’ll even make the final and Romania have never missed a final since the semis were introduced.

Romania have been enterin’ since 1994 and their best ever finish has been 2 third places. They were tipped to do well last year with Zaleilah by Mandinga but only finished 12th which I liked.

Eurovision 2013 - Norway

Ah Norway. This is an interestin’ one coz the bookies have it very high but they’ve done that with Norway before only to be let down. I don’t think this is a winner. There’s something about it and her I don’t like. No flashy white cat suit can make it better. The song is I Feed You My Love by Margaret Berger. I can’t see it makin’ the top 3 but as I said, the bookies LOVE it.

Norway of course are one of the countries that have won twice in the last 20 years (along with Ireland and Sweden). They’ve had 3 wins with Bobbysocks, Secret Garden and Alexander Rybak. They’ve had a total of 11 last places and 4 nul points which is some record. Since the semi finals were introduced they haven’t made it twice. They should do this year though.

Eurovision 2013 - The Netherlands

This is one of my favourites and I think if the public get behind this, it’s goin’ to do really well! I think the jurys are gonna LOVE it and could easily be a winner. I’d prefer this to win than Denmark. The song is called Birds and it’s by Anouk who’s one of the most famous singers in all of the Netherlands. To me it sounds like something Adele would do if she wrote Skyfall for Mary Poppins instead of James Bond. Big fan of this. Hope it does well.

The Netherlands have been enterin’ since 1956 and have finished last 6 times. They’ve had the 4 wins of course in 1957, 1959, 1969 and 1975. They were the ones that brought us Ding A Dong by Teach In. Since that win though they’ve never been in the top 3 and the last time they qualified out of the semi final was in 2004. If Anouk doesn’t qualify this year it will be a HUGE surprise.

Eurovision 2013 - Montenegro

Montenegro are one of the newest countries in the Eurovision since they only became independent in 2006. Before that they were in the competition as part of Serbia & Montenegro and Yugoslavia before that. They’ve never reached the final yet although they nearly did 2 years ago. They send very strange songs. Last chap was some chap who seemed like a drunk uncle at a wedding talkin’ about something strange.

This year they’ve sent Who See with the song Igranka. It kinda sounds like some mid-1990s dance song. I think if it was in English it’d do much better but it’s just a bit strange for the Eurovision. It’s actually pretty decent but not sure if it’s right for the competition.

Eurovision 2013 - Moldova

Moldova are one of those countries who entered the Eurovision in the last few years and haven’t really done much. Their best ever finish was 6th on their debut back in 2005 and since then have only managed one other top 10. On the up side, they’ve only ever missed out on the finals once coz their neighbours really like them, especially Romania, although they’re not in the same semi final this year.

They have Aliona Moon with O Mie representin’ them this year and your one thinks she’s Eastern Europe’s answer to Lady Gaga. Her dress lights up. I actually think it’s one of the better ballads. I think this will defo be in the final but not sure it’ll make the top 10. It’s decent enough.

Eurovision 2013 - Malta

I feel so sorry for Malta! They want to win the Eurovision so bad and they almost have twice! They’re the most successful country never to have won with 2 second places and 2 thirds. From 1991 they had 8 top 10 finishes in a row. Since the introduction of the semi finals though they’ve not done as well and have failed to qualify for the final 4 times.

This year the song is Tomorrow by Gianluca Bezzina. I think it’s brilliant and one of their best chances in years. It’s very like Train or one of those bands. I hope they do well. I liked Malta! I was there once and had a great time. This should make the final and I’ll be surprised if it doesn’t!

Eurovision 2013 - FYR Macedonia

I think the Former Yugoslav Republic Of Macedonia’s main purpose in this world is for people givin’ scores in the Eurovision Song Contest the chance to say The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. They’ve been takin’ part since 1998 and have never EVER been in the top 10! Their best result is 12th in 2006! They did make the final last year but didn’t for the 4 years before that.

This year the song is Pred da se razdeni by Esma and Lozano. It’s typical Balkan shite that they send to the Eurovision in that part of the world. Not one of my favourites to be honest. I just skip over it when it comes on. Bores me to tears and your man sounds like the chant ya hear from a mosque. Probably won’t make the final.

Eurovision 2013 - Lithuania

Right next door to yesterday’s Latvia comes Lithuania! They’re the only Baltic country not to have won the competition and have never really come close. Their best ever result was 6th with LT United and We Are The Winners. They even came last with nul points on their debut in 1994! They haven’t made it out of the semi finals 4 times although for the last 2 years they have. The country who’ve given Lithuania the most points in the competition are Ireland, mainly due to a big population of Lithuanians livin’ and workin’ here.

This years song is called Something and is by Andrius Pojavis who’s a decent lookin’ chap. The song has the sound of a Discover Lithuania advert about it. I can imagine rollin’ hills and whatever else they have in Lithuania. I’ve not been there yet. He says he’s wearin’ 2 shoes, one called love and one called pain which is just weird. The backin’ singers do NOTHIN’ for the song. MIGHT get to the final actually. Not the worst song in the pack!

Eurovision 2013 - Latvia

Ah poor Latvia. They’re right down the bottom of the bookies list of Eurovision winners and the thing is, I don’t think the song is that bad at all! Granted it sounds like a group of lads in London rappin’ in the 1990s but still. Rappin’ doesn’t do too well in Eurovision. Trackshittaz came last with their song last year so poor Latvia might not do much better. I think it’s a grand song. Defo not the worst. They’re also first in their semi final though so could be a bad draw for them. The song is called Here We Go by PeR.

Latvia have been enterin’ since 2000 and have the one win with Marie N and I Wanna back in 2002. They’ve been in the top 10 only 3 times and haven’t qualified for the final since 2008 when Pirates Of The Sea came 12th! That was a great song. Last year they had Beautiful Song which kinda grew on me coz someone clearly just translated the lyrics on Google Translate into English!

Eurovision 2013 - Italy

Italy vanished from the Eurovision Song Contest in 1997 for AGES only to come back in 2011. They decided they just didn’t want to do it anymore and before that, in the time from when they entered the first competition way back in 1956, they didn’t do to bad! They had 2 wins with Gigliola Cinquetti in 1964 and Toto Cutugno in 1990. They also had one of the most popular songs too with Volare/Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu which became a huge hit around the world after Dean Martin covered it.

This years song is L'essenziale by Marco Mengoni which sounds like a song from the credits of a Disney movie! I like it though. I can see it doin’ well enough and Italy’s 3rd top 10 in a row is on the cards. I think Italy are on the verge of gettin’ it very right one of these years! HIS LOCKS ARE AWFUL!!!!!!

Eurovision 2013 - Israel

Israel have been decent enough in Eurovision over the years with 3 wins and they’ve never finished last. This year their entrant is Moran Mazor with Rak Bishelvo. It’s very Eurovision. I really don’t see it doin’ well and your one looks like the local librarian! Sweet god!

Israel started enterin’ in 1973 and won in 1978 and 1979. Their last win was in 1998 with Diva by Dana International who became the first transexual in the competition. She famously fell on her arse the followin’ year when she was handin’ over the trophy to the winner. Since the semis were introduced they’ve failed to qualify 4 times and have finished in the top 10 2 times. They haven’t been in the final the last 2 years. Not sure if this will make it.